A new year and a renewing mind

My cats' new peacock feather (a gift from doting, though spatially distant, grandmom Burgess) is shredded to pieces, so it must be the start of the second week of 2012! I never got around to writing in December, as I was away for the better part of the month in Washington. It was really fun to help out on the last leg of my dad's Christmas tour, which, though ticket and CD sales can be a bit of a thrash, always provides many a welcome reunion of old friends. I was particularly blessed to get to spend a couple evenings/afternoons with my dear, dear friend Jes while we were in Oregon. It's amazing how some of the people God puts in our lives push through the limitations that time and space have tried to impose; there may indeed be times where we feel a bit more out of touch than others, but the important thing is to focus on the times we can come together again.
Michael joined me about a week and a half after I left and we had a great two weeks celebrating Christmas and several birthdays with our families. My grandfather celebrated his 85th birthday on December 15th, and the day after, my brother-in-law his 23rd. There was a big party at the retirement community my grandpa lives to honor him, and it was a blast - pink champagne, jingle bells, and all, put on by his dear friend, Lynn. Christmas Eve has become a joint event, which is always nice: my parents come down for dinner and then head off to the Christmas Eve service at their church while we stay and open presents with Michael's family, after which we head up to Camano late to rest up for Christmas morning. This year, a big wind storm blew up Christmas Day and we lost power around 9am. But that didn't stop us! We were all set to have a power-less, candlelit dinner with Grandpa and Lynn when the power came back on just as they were coming up the driveway! Mom and I decided that, while we certainly could have pulled it off without, having the power was quite nice.
We caught a red-eye back to Georgia on the 30th, arriving mid-morning on New Year's Eve. It was a long trip, but we experienced an eventless, relatively on-schedule progression from our first leg all the way to catching the shuttle as we walked up! By the way, we were very impressed by Continental Airlines' service, despite the baby plane we spent the last hour or so of flight on. The are one of the few who still exempt military and family traveling with them of bag fees, and they do it with a big smile. Michael has had to pay over $100 before due to a heavy bag, which just puts a bad taste in your mouth about the airline having any regard for military! So this was a welcome change. It helped that their boarding process is actually quite functional - rows, imagine that! - and therefore, time effective. We certainly hope to choose them over other airlines in the future, if the fares don't differ drastically!

The past week and a half, like so many others in the wake of the new year, I have been contemplating my resolutions for 2012. I did write several down, and hope to stick to them, but the past few days have raised a greater resolution that isn't really one you can sum up in a line or two on a piece of paper. I'll try to explain. (Bear with me!)
As we prepared to return home during the last few days in Washington, I mentally started "organizing" a new routine for myself during the week. I have put some of it into practice, but a significant piece of it has been seemingly altered. (God, I'm onto you! Ha.) I had very much hoped and planned to lay into my transcription work, but this requires that there be files actually available to transcribe! As I sat down to my computer the first morning that I wasn't restoring our apartment to a normal state of order (read = Wednesday), I thought for sure 9am would be early enough to snag some audio minutes. Imagine my dismay when nearly all the time stamps on the files taken (which was literally all of them) were at or immediately following 8:30am! "Well," I thought, "I guess today I'll be proofing transcription." What do you know, but every time I attempted to put my name on a file, someone put theirs in just seconds before I finalized it. At that point, I knew had a choice: I could sit there for the next two to three hours and be continually frustrated by the situation (the file-snatching happened several times in a row) or I could leave it be and do something else with my time.
For the rest of that day (scattered between other tasks and chores, like stopping my cats from prematurely destroying their latest toy) I resolved to look for work. I did so mainly on the site where I was originally hired from for this transcription position, oDesk.com. While there were many positions that I know are not for me, such as the "Seeking French-Speaking Mathematical Marvel", there were a few that I felt I had a shot at, so I applied. (On a side-note, my college roommate, now a math teacher and always a mathematical marvel, and I decided we could have gotten the job cooperatively, but not separately. What a shame.) I also updated my profile on the site, which I felt was a good idea, since the more you can say for yourself and that people/potential employers can see without digging too far, the better. Well, assuming you have good things to tout...
It felt like I'd made good use of time that otherwise might have been wasted in frustration, and planned to nab some files the next morning. Only, the same thing happened, both following days. And, again, this morning. Even this morning, at 8am, I still managed to miss getting any files.
Where is all of this leading? Well, I have the sneaking suspicion that perhaps I am working too hard to try to do and be. Don't get me wrong, I by no means intend to sit back and let jobs find me, for that is clearly not the solution. No, I rather mean to say that I am still holding myself almost 100% to my recent situations and expectations, where I was constantly under stress and on a tight schedule. In those situations, those were healthy things, because I was completing coursework and other tasks related to teaching my own classes. Here, in Georgia, where my husband and I are still trying to figure out how domestic life together works, the pressure that I have continued to put on myself is an impediment not only to my peace of mind and contentment, but his as well! It seems we are constantly having messy, emotional conversations about money, time, tidiness, etc., and nothing ever seems to get resolved. Until recently, this has been a bit of a mystery to me; I feel sometimes like I am in Groundhog Day. Incidentally, this is one of my least favorite movies of all time!
I have found that I am still trying to be who I've been. This gets a little wonky when what you've been is so many things: an only child, and only grandchild, a high powered student, a runner, a highly social person, a teacher... The list might go on. It isn't that I should try to stop being those things, because many of them are a part of my personality, of my person, who I am. But I do need to open myself up to the other things that God has made me and wants to make me. Since I moved from Chicago, I've spent loads of time trying to get back to where I was, when really I need to just move forward. I've listened to what others have suggested would be best, but don't even know what I think would be best! Or by that same token, I haven't always been listening to what my husband thinks would be best along with those pieces of advice. Neither he or I pretend to believe that he should make my decisions for me or dictate any part of my life. That being said, we are truly a team in marriage, and that team doesn't always include our families when it comes to decision-making.
This has been an extremely trying realization for me, but I think that God is asking me to stop trying to "do life" by my own strength, and to change the way I form expectations and make decisions. During college and my master's program, I was able to rely mainly on myself, and didn't really need to reach out to Him to achieve. (Of course, during Michael's and my time apart, I did reach out, but it was pretty cursory when I look back at the big picture.) My hope now is to stop working so hard to prove that I still am who I was, that I am still achieving in the same way; I'm not, but that isn't the point. When Michael asks me, over and over, "What do you want?", the answer has yet to hit me over the head. Other people's thoughts as to what would be best for me and Michael, for our future, etc. come to mind. And maybe some or all of that advice is accurate. But I don't want it to only come from outside of me, and I want it to originate within me.
Maybe this made sense, or maybe not. But to me, this process finally feels that it is moving forward and not backward. I don't know where it's leading yet, but looking backward certainly didn't lead anywhere, and seemed to bring much strife to a home that should be overjoyed just to be in one place! I know the road is not easy, but I also know that His burden is light, and that He has great things for me.

If you've read all of this, I hope you will pray for me during this time, and also don't hesitate to share any thoughts with me through email. Blessings to you as this new year begins!

The start to the holidays, 2011

We roasted our first turkey this week - and it was a success! I might even go so far as to use the term huge success, thanks to all of the exclaiming about it's perfectly moist meat and deliciousness... But it might just have been beginner's luck, so we'll wait for a second attempt before actually making that statement outright. Michael and I spent Thanksgiving with our good friends the Pratt's (their daughter is my goddaughter, Jasmine), and several other families. There was way too much food, but it made for quite the variety and everyone enjoyed themselves greatly. The weather has been spectacular by anyone on the West Coast's standards, though I do tire of eighty degrees as we near the beginning of December, and all of my stylish winter wear remains unorganized and unworn as of yet. However, I look forward to sporting it in Washington when we are home next month.

Since I last blogged, I've come into a small job, but one that I make my own hours and also decide how many hours I'd like to work. It's a company that does mainly transcription, but also translation; for now, I am proofing transcriptions since that is what they hired me for, but I plan to ask for the chance to translate once I've been working for a month or two. All work is done online, which is nice since one doesn't necessarily need to cart their personal computer around to be able to work. It's been quite the learning curve, since it's all through Google applications such as Chrome, Gmail, Docs, etc. However, it's been good for me to learn something new and manageable, and the work is quite interesting as the audio files are from all sorts of surveys for products and habits. For example, the past few days, I've been hearing several about how people go about planning their Thanksgiving meals and Black Friday shopping trips. So, we'll see where this leads. It's a treat to be able to literally do it at anytime of the day or night, and also to not have to worry about keeping all of the files I've worked on or proofed for reference, since it is all stored and updated constantly online.

Michael and I will be home for Christmas in a few weeks; I leave in just about a week and a half and he'll follow a bit after. I'll get to help my dad for the end of his tour, which is always fun since we inevitably see many old friends and acquaintances at the shows. I especially look forward to seeing one of my dearest friends while we are in Corvallis; now that Michael and I have more of a normal "life" down here but I haven't had much income personally, the chances for visiting friends anywhere have really been limited. Unfortunately, we won't be staying on to celebrate New Year's as we usually do with my family, as Michael returns to work too soon after and will need to make sure to be well-rested. It will be the first year I'm not with my parents for this holiday, and that will be very strange. This year really feels like we are making a more solid transition into our own family, even though our situation in Georgia is definitely quite transitory. It's very challenging to actually make one's own decisions when our families are both so close, but it's important that we do. All we can do is pray that we don't make any decisions that we might regret later, but I think that most anything becomes a learning experience in this stage of life, whether due to a less-than-ideal decision or a near-perfect one.

I'll try to post a few new pictures from the past weeks in a day or two. Blessings to all of you, and I hope this finds you joyfully entering into Advent and the holiday spirit.

Feeling a moment

One of my favorite times of the day is when I sit next to the open window (the weather is turning to fall here, though sometimes it still feels a bit like a Washington summer!) and enjoy my breakfast, coffee, and a few words from a book or a magazine. Usually Mater ends up taking a nap next to me or on my lap, and this always warms my heart, as she has become increasingly diabolical in her chewing and playing at other times of the day! Anyway, this time is the rare time in the day when I haven't yet tried to "figure out" what I "have to do", and when the fresh air helps me wake up and reminds me to live in each minute as it comes. After several months of worrying about finding a job or getting our budget "right", I find I am enjoying my idle time and my daily tasks more and more. That being said, I look forward to hearing back soon about a potential job!

Last week, I started training for a half-marathon; I felt it was high time I take on another race as a goal, and have wanted to try 13.1 since last November when I ran my first 15k (=9.3 mi) in the Chicago Hot Chocolate Run. Unfortunately, I am prone to injury, whether simply due to my anatomical make-up or as a function of my sometimes hard-headedness when it comes to moderation in "amping up" frequency and distance in training/running. Either way, this morning I am resting a tweaked hamstring after trying out a new stretch/strength circuit yesterday: I believe the culprit was actually the very first exercise, the jumping heel-kicks. Fun, but as my mom pointed out to me last night on the phone, perhaps a bit challenging at first for a person of my level of coordination. (Read = In her ballerina mind, I am a bit of a "spazz" when it comes to such things...especially when trying them for the first time!) So I am trying to not worry and to focus on icing and elevating/resting it today. The half-marathons I am considering are in January and March, and while my goal is January, I know that I need to be open to either date due to things like my current predicament!

Enough about running and racing. Last weekend, we met up with three couples at a local Oktoberfest on the base. While much of the activities were geared towards kids, it was a great atmosphere and several of the "German food" booths were actually staffed by native Germans. My goddaughter and her brother had a fun time (although Joshua was playing a video game most of the time!) and it is always so good to see Jasmine, since she is growing up so fast! She's walking now, and all the boys seem to like her even at one year and change... Jon is already making playful threats...to two year olds. Ha. My guess is, in about twelve years they won't be quite as playful :-) We spend a lot of time watching the bands they had playing, who were both pretty fun. I don't think they were particularly impressed by the crowd's distractedness, since Oktoberfest in Deutschland is certainly known for its boistrous enthusiasm for toasts and drinking songs. There were so many kids around everyone couldn't really focus like they would have needed to pick up on this. Either way, we had a great time, and topped it off with a hay ride around the campgrounds.

Some photos:

In the tent where the bands were, with Margie, Katie, and Jazz squirming in my lap.


It was cold in the shade!


With our friends the Estradas and Blanchard on the far left. (on the hay ride)


The Pratt's and the Miles' on the hay ride.

Michael has been enjoying his new unit, though he's still worked several long days and was gone for a week in the field. We are looking forward to Thanksgiving and the arrival of more fall weather. We plan to spend Turkey Day with the Pratt's, possibly even making a little getaway of it so that we can cook the turkey and the pies at their house. While it's sometimes hard to get together often, we are indeed blessed by some wonderful friends here in Georgia!

Christmas trees and reevaluation

This morning I am having some random thoughts. Perhaps because the cold I thought I'd fought off has returned in moderate force and I haven't been sleeping well, but either way I'm in the mood to share them :)

It amazes me how early stores stock their Christmas deco. It must have been at least 2 weeks ago (=mid-SEPTEMBER) that Michael and I were looking for a new plant to replace his recently-deceased aloe vera at Wal-Mart. Lo and behold, as we were walking out of the Gardening Center, I looked up and there were no less than five fake Christmas trees on full display! Seriously. It is sad to me that a holiday that was originally meant to celebrate the birth and arrival of a divine Savior has turned into the biggest marketing ploy of each year. Luckily, there are many organizations such as World Vision that are able to truly help people through their programs around this time of year. The simple joy of "giving" a pig or a goat to a needy family in a far-away country in honor of a loved one is really indescribable, though many are yet inexperienced in it. We cannot all travel to those places and help firsthand, but we can all help provide something for someone who needs it far more than we ever will.

Yesterday I had a long conversation with my dad in which I realized that my job search is perhaps becoming temporarily obsolete, given that the holidays are actually approaching. (This does not mean I'm going to go purchase one of those trees, however.) Living so far away from our families, the holidays are a truly special time for Michael and I, and I really don't think I would sacrifice even a few days of that time because of a job. If I had been hired for a job in my actual field, or thought that there was a potential job in it available now, I might consider the alternatives. However, lately I'm contacting people and applying to jobs that are part-time and completely unrelated to my studies. It's true that, on one salary and as we are still in the early stages of marriage and learning how to do finances in a smart manner, it's been up and down. But where do we draw the line between working to live and living to work? In the US it has moved from being a grey area to an increasingly disparate black and white that prioritizes work in order to attain some kind of materialistic status. Having a new car, indulging our every impulse, eating out - all have become "givens", though they need not be. We must learn to see this in our society and almost rebel against it if we wish to prioritize the things that warrant prioritizing.

Thus to say that I am wondering what good it is to apply to many more jobs at this point, since we hope to be gone several weeks only shortly after I would hypothetically be hired. It has been a good experience filling out applications and searching for jobs, and perhaps I will still find a part-time position that will be flexible. But for now, I am going to spend the day cleaning and practicing my piano, because life goes on. I have a roof over my head, an indecently nice car outside, and a wonderful husband who loves and respects me and our life. There are up days and down days, but at the end of them all, we're together finally, and that is good.

TSwizzle, ATL, and Craigslist ads

The first weekend in October was chock-full of fun activities. As I shared before, we'd been anxiously awaiting the Taylor Swift concert, as well as a trip to the zoo and a night away in Atlanta. While these kinds of activities cost way more than they should these days, it was a great getaway and well worth it.

The show was quite amazing; much more like a Broadway show than a concert, complete with sets and people and instruments popping out of the floor at various points (including Usher!). The music was great and the opening band didn't disappoint, either. What a load of screaming girls there were there, though! I think Michael and I agreed we'd never seen to many prematurely made-up, cowboy-boot touting people in one place. That being said, it was definitely a fun experience.

This photo is of her performance of "Back to December". That white piano came up out of the stage...

Earlier in the day before the concert, we enjoyed touring the zoo and seeing many baby animals (giraffe, panda, and kangaroo-in-pouch) as well as some of the "old standbys" (some of those monkeys are older than we are!). The lunch we ate at the food court was much less than great, but in a pinch it got the job done, especially since my plan to bring sandwiches didn't pan out, given the bare fridge and breadbox at our apartment...

The momma and baby panda trundling around part of their outdoor habitat.


The red panda is possibly my favorite zoo animal, though she tends to be asleep at any and all times of day. So little and cute.

The morning after the concert, we headed over to the neighborhood by Piedmont Park for a delicious brunch at the Five Napkin burger joint. It was an amazing banana French toast, including Corn Flakes as part of the batter! After that, we had a nice leisurely walk around the park, which was packed with runners, picnickers, and dog owners. We always love to walk to the gazebo where we got engaged, and this time the pool across the lake from it was full of even more dogs! Apparently the following day, they were cleaning it, so they let owners bring their canines in for a little weekend frolic. Pretty entertaining!


This morning, Michael headed out to the field for a week. He just switched to a new unit (or company, I get all the terms mixed up, all the time!), and has loved it so far. This makes me a very, very happy person, since previously he was really struggling. It's such a shame that the majority of soldiers seem to have such a sub-par experience, because I feel that it would take little to no extra effort for the Army to make it at least bearable across the board. But that would require people to put aside power trips, pointless yelling and/or ranting, and needless punishment of people who didn't actually do anything wrong. Therefore, nothing will change anytime soon... so the best one can hope for is to land in a unit that has their head on straight!

Michael's trips to the field are always interesting for me, because, still without a job, it's really a whole new experience for me to literally have no schedule. In Chicago, it was easy to find things to do, since I could walk, metro, or bus virtually anywhere in town and there was an abundance of great parks and recreation available year-round. Here, it's definitely a different story! The TV is, of course, a constant temptation that I do all I can to avoid sitting in front of for hours on-end. I tend to spend a lot of time cleaning, hanging with the cats, and working out at the gym or outdoors. Until recently, the pool was a constant in my daily routine as well, but the past weeks and a half have seen a much milder weather pattern, even including some refreshing rain showers and temperatures the past few days. Unfortunately, I've gotten so used to the sunny weather that it will probably take me a few spouts like this to get up the snuff to get out and run outside in it! Sad day for a girl raised in the Pacific Northwest!

Yesterday, Michael finally convinced me to get the Craigslist app for my phone, since I haven't even gotten a call back for any of the applications I've submitted or jobs I've pursued. It was really hard when I didn't hear back after the group interview a couple weeks ago, and I think I had somewhat given up without realizing it even though it was only the first "rejection". The thing that is so frustrating (hopefully I'm not turning into a broken record here) is the lack of response if you DON'T get hired/called for a second round of interviews. I just think it's common courtesy, and would probably make a huge impact on job seekers' self-confidence regardless of it being a yes or a no. It just feels as though one isn't even important enough of acknowledgement if they aren't "chosen", and that isn't something that only happens in a job search. It happens all through life in various forms, and to have it hit you in this arena feels pretty dang low. We all know the economy is floundering, but we could all use at least one person to tell us, "You know, you aren't the right person for us right now, but keep looking!" Pipe dreams of compassion seem to let us down a lot.

Anyway, Craigslist. Since yesterday, I've sent nearly 20 emails regarding various receptionist/front desk positions (since there are none actually pertaining to what I've studied and worked on the past 6 years) and have only gotten one answer. That answer was informing me that the ad was apparently for a sort of "middle man" who companies hire when they have had complaints or think their customer service needs improvement. Hmm. Not really a legitimate ad then, is it, lady?? My goodness. And no you may not have all of my personal information so that you can "figure out what site is closest for me and/or best for my personal schedule"! So, so far, not too promising. However, yesterday was a holiday so I won't give up yet and will continue to send out emails as new ads go up. One of the hard things with Craigslist is that people repost ads constantly, so it's hard to tell sometimes if you've already responded to one if it's relatively general. Ugh.

So, the ups and downs continue. For now, it makes me very happy that Michael is so much happier at work, and we're hoping for a quick promotion as soon as he's [finally!] enrolled in some courses to get closer to the points requirement.