Yoga hikes and an open window - fall is here!

It is hard to believe, but fall has indeed arrived this week, even here in Georgia. From the falling, crunchy leaves to the refreshingly cool evenings and mornings that finally prompted me to open up our windows again, I am happy to report it! The cats, too, rejoice in the "freedom" of the fresh air; as I type they each have a window and look out at the prey they will likely never have the honor of killing in real life. Hopefully it livens their dreams!

Lately, now that I have just one day off per week, I often find myself feeling a bit strung out on awakeness. Or business. Or somethingness. But no matter what it is, rarely does it feel like laidbackness! That being said, I am learning to value the three things that I do not only for the income they provide, but for the fulfillment that they really do provide. And it is not simply a fulfillment of knowing I can buy a nice bottle of wine once in a while or even a new pair of shoes, but rather, of knowing that I AM worthy and that I might even be somewhat of a significant asset to the people whom I work for! Hopefully you don't take that as haughtiness, for you may have read my recent post about the struggle I've had with feeling "worthy", particularly of my professorship this semester. Let me extrapolate a bit on that, and why I am [beginning to!] feel more worthy.

My students (I may or may not have mentioned this previously) essentially bombed their first exam. Like, I have never had that bad of a grade breakdown since starting to teach; 6 sections at UIC and the most that I had was 3, I think. In my class of 24, I had 7 with F's and 4 with D's. Not to forget the 3 A's and 5 each of B's and C's, but it was still discouraging to grade more and more and see a consistent stream of my red pen. Perhaps it would help me, too, to take up that research of correcting in some other color in order to reduce stress on students...I've used purple before and may go back! Anyway, the fact of the matter was, when I finally settled down and looked at where most of the points were lost, it wasn't really something that I could have "taught" better: I asked them to review several readings which included cultural information and vocabulary. Now, when I say "I asked them" this does not actually mean, "I kind of mentioned it in passing". I explicitly put it on the top of the review sheet that I made up for them, and in addition, drew their attention to this very fact as we started our review. So I really was quite in disbelief when no fewer than 6-8 students told me as they handed their test in, "I didn't know we were supposed to know that!". Well, perhaps actually showing up to the review or printing it off might have helped you. Just a suggestion for your future success in your college education. All of this to say, that, once I'd taken stock, I did learn some lessons about how to choose which exercises to put on an exam, but was also reminded of the sheer vapidness of the idea that your class will actually do what you say if you do not literally hit them over the head with it. Moving on from my rant on my students...

Despite my recent statements perhaps seeming a bit flippant as far as my end of the responsibility, I did feel a much bigger importance to planning this second chapter better. I began by making the exam so that I could be aware throughout the whole thing what I was preparing them for, and how to best help them succeed. Of course, this all hinges on your lesson plans actually going as planned, which any person in any kind of teaching capacity is well aware is the case perhaps 5% of the time. If you're lucky. I have been so lucky a couple of times just this chapter, and I'm hoping that some of it may even be me learning to lesson plan better! There are always the small frustrations of the questions that you don't really know the answer off the top of your head to, but I am reacclamating to the feeling and really can't beat myself up when I forget some slang terms or mix up the 100th exception to a grammar topic. After all, I do try to remind myself that I would not, by any means, be prepared to teach English grammar at this point in my life, though I would probably have a shot, if anywhere, here in the South. While my French has certainly not been used intensely as much as my English my whole life, I did learn it in a very similar fashion, and probably never really memorized rules like my students have to in order to succeed.

So: my growing feeling of worthiness is coming from a slow opening up to giving myself grace. Grace to take a Monday evening to write and get out a few of the things that have been on my mind outside of the realm of teaching or leasing. Grace to really start enjoying yoga more, and even beginning a breathing and walking routine daily despite the time constraints that I am dealing with. I think what it really ends up coming down to is that I am actually learning about myself. I do love teaching, but many aspects of it are stressful and easily can obscure the simple joys of it. Some things I'm learning, or that I might even venture to say that I've actually learnED:

• I can do an up-dog in yoga. I did one last Friday for the first time, and it was one of the most liberating feelings I've had in a while. And yes, that from just pushing myself up on my hands and the backs of my feet alone. 
• I cannot learn French for my students. It is always possible to improve my teaching, to plan better, and to make fewer mistakes during lessons, but at the end of the day, they are the ones who have to put in the work. 
• We will always work with some people we tolerate better than others. I am fortunate to have an office of people who mostly get on, but there are some moments where I really have to reel myself in. Initially, that caused me to "bring it home" quite a bit, and that impacted my relationship with Michael. So I am learning to deal with it the best that I'm able while in the workplace, and then leave it there when I leave. 

Now you know a bit more where I am with all of that, I do want to share some more about my recent yoga adventures. As it says in the title, I have now participated in my first yoga "hike". My parents both gave me scrunchy faces of confusion and skepticism this afternoon on FaceTime when I said that combination of words, but it really is a cool thing that works. We basically just go on a 2 mile walk, or fast paced walk, and stop periodically (about 4 times) to do some yoga. Most of it was done standing, though at the end we also did some "down dog" and "up dog" type things. The hike was wrapped up with a 10 minute meditation walk and then some quiet time amidst a few candles back in the studio. We then all convened at a restaurant where the yoga studio's husband is chef and her parents own it. Altogether a really really enjoyable evening, and even though Michael wasn't able to join me, I very much felt a wee bit recharged from it. I was of course sore, having done hot yoga earlier that day, too, but it is a sore that if you can't enjoy, you at least understand and appreciate it. The bug bites, not so much. 

Yesterday afternoon, I finally finished watching the final episode of that pivotal teenage drama, The OC, again. It was probably at least the 3rd time I've watched it since I own all 4 seasons, but there is just something so nostalgic about it. [Warning: spoiler alert if you haven't seen it all yet!] The Cohens moving back into the home they started out in, Seth & Summer parting ways for her to go picket for safe oceans and then getting married, Ryan becoming an engineer and having [necessary] Marissa flashbacks. Julie Cooper actually doing something not involving gold-digging also maintained the flow of tears from my eyes. It also has to do with the fact that we were all in highschool when we first watched it. That and One Tree Hill really almost followed our path timewise, though we of course never had make-up quite that perfect or boyfriends quite that spastic. Okay, maybe the boyfriends were spastic, but we certainly never attended a highschool like Ryan, Seth, Marissa, and Summer did. At least Tree Hill High was a small town school. All of this just to say that it is like so many things that spark that longing for "before". It was never as good as we now imagine it, but yet we still seek after those same emotions every once in a while. I am thankful that God has made us with that longing for a reason, and to know that that longing will be fulfilled once we arrive next to Him in Heaven. For now, I suppose we must try to be content with bawling our eyes out as we watch the final episodes of those shows we knew so well over and over. 

Students, thunderstorms, and rollercoasters.

This afternoon in my class, the thing that I imagine any novice language teacher dreads happened to me. I had to look up a word. On my phone. During class. I suppose I should be grateful that I had the option, but it is just so irritating when you know that you know it but you just cannot get it together. The word? Rollercoaster. I really dislike rollercoasters, and thus never really use the word frequently in any language. Of course, this unfortunate moment also came about shortly after I had mixed up the definition of a particular grammar point I was teaching, confusing both myself and my students. The thing teaching helps you realize is, you relearn the rules just as much as they learn them! You know how to say it, but you don't always remember why. It certainly doesn't help matters that I teach a language where literally every single grammar point has at least one exception...and of course, that is always what students want to know about. And in moments like those, all you will be able to think of, invariably, is a full-fledged list of REGULAR verbs. C'est la vie, mes amis.

Lately we have had some very grey and stormy weather in Georgia. I suppose it's got something to do with that Isaac business that we've all heard about, though now I'm pretty sure it's just God laughing at those of us who know what a gorgeous Pacific Northwest summer-to-fall transition looks and feels like. Don't get me wrong, I adore knowing that I will probably be able to go sunbathe at the pool at some point in October. However, I don't so much adore feeling like I live in a sauna every time I walk out of my front door, thanks to 80-90 degree temperatures and 70-90% humidity. But enough complaining - so Georgia is hot & sticky, Washington is cool and refreshing, whether in the sun or rain. Who knew? (Oh, wait. EVERYONE.)

Michael's best friend, Kris, visited us for a week earlier this month, and they had a great time! It was a bit unfortunate that it feel on a week where I was also working more than normal, and subsequently more than my normal level of stressed, but they cooked some great food for me and we also enjoyed a delicious dinner out at Michael's and my favorite restaurant here in town, Buckhead Grill. (Dinner=delicious. Running into one of your students bussing tables after two glasses of wine=Not so delicious.) So, they had a great time fishing, camping, and shooting at the range. I'm glad Kris was able to come down, and am happy that they will soon be able to plan hiking and camping trips regularly up in Washington. Michael still has the rest of this week off, so he has had more time to rest and relax. Tomorrow we both have off, so I am very much looking forward to actually not having an agenda for the first time in at least two or three weeks. Then it will be back to touring people in the Sauna Saturday morning...but I digress.

Teaching has been going well. I'm tempted to say, "It's going forward" in order to not betray too much confidence or positive attitude, but I'll just hedge my bets for now and leave it at "Well." There have been some frustrating moments, but as any teacher knows (and especially in language teaching, or perhaps, math, which is also like a totally foreign language) there are bound to be moments that help you forget the others, in a good way. As I've gotten more familiar with the new book I'm using and been reminded of the usual blank stares students give you 60-80% of the time, I have begun adjusting and learning faster and faster when it comes to my teaching style and lesson planning. Their first exam is in a week, so we'll see what we'll see then. I have a group where there are many strong students and several who struggle very much, so we'll see how it evens out. They were put into their first seating chart today, so I'm hoping that by the next exam, that will help distribute people out better during group work, so that they aren't always working with their buddies or the same person. Every class has such unique dynamics, and even those can change from day to day. I have to constantly remind myself to reflect on when I was in college and grad school: though I know I was a good student who generally performed well (especially in language classes), I also know that there were inevitably days where my facial expression would have knocked a clown right out of his shoes, it was so not cheery! (A happy clown, not a horror clown.) That always, always, helps me feel better and, I hope, think more realistically about "how I did". Really, the proof is in the pudding no matter what you refer to. In this case, the "pudding" is made up of many factors, but the most reliable are exams and projects students have time to work on and prepare for.

I'm currently at my office and must get home. Many blessings to you all, and happy fall!

High cholesterol?

Just a quick note as I need to get back into preparing for classes to start next week the rest of the day. Yesterday, my bloodwork confirmed that my cholesterol was exceptionally high despite my age. It has sparked my interest in learning more about how to cook or enjoy fruits and vegetables in a variety of ways. On one hand it is a bit frustrating, since I have been working extra hard the past couple months on exercise and cooking healthy. Butter is one of the few things I can work to eliminate completely, but otherwise I really only fall down on ice cream (and have done so much less than was normal for me previously!). 

This morning, Michael and I went to the massive gym on base; he has today and tomorrow off for a 4-day weekend and I'm off also. He was meeting some guys to play basketball and so I got some time to focus on a good hour and fifteen minutes of cardio. My goal is to kick cholesterol's butt all the way to the other side of the world! Haha. Though that alone will probably not push the numbers down, I am optimistic and remain determined to continue working out consistently despite the impending spike in business of my schedule :)

So, just a little word on recent events and what I intend to do about them. I finally received the final official word about when and what I will be teaching starting next week. It will be a French 1002 Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and only one section. I am thankful, despite the 50% drop it obviously means in the salary. With my work at Greystone, I sometimes have to work harder to "leave work at work" than I used to at grad school, it feels like! Thus, I am excited to be able to continue that while taking advantage of an opportunity at Columbus State, which will get me some invaluable experience in this current job. Of course, prayers and encouragement are always happily received :)

Old Friends

I suppose we all have a song or a melody that causes the tears to come right to our eyes, no matter where we are or what frame of mind we may be in. We may be told in the Bible to always be anticipating what is to come and to look for the Kingdom of God, seizing every moment - but in our human state we are still formed by the events of our lives, the origins of these tender parts of our hearts where only a poem or a song can touch a part of us long changed or even gone. One of these songs for me is Old Friends, a Simon & Garfunkel classic that came into the world long before I did. I'm sure that my initial reaction comes always from the fact that I know my dad will never sit on a park bench with my godfather, who was his best friend and who has passed now 12 years ago. However, I know in my heart that he has been blessed with many, many other friends with whom he will share that park bench someday. As the song continues, it brings any listener, I would assume, to ponder their own season of life and their own dear friends. Being 25 myself, the line "How terribly strange to be 70" certainly rings true. I have struggled quite a bit in the last few years with seeing my parents and relatives age after I have been away for long periods of time, and to think of when I will be the grandmother or the great-aunt and what that will look like is truly strange. Not in a negative way, but just in the very true sense of that word. Foreign comes to mind, also. For now, I am happy to be where I am and that I am healthy and blessed with a family that I will grow older with for a long while yet. We are indeed made for a greater Place, but this never seems to fully erase the realities of our physical bodies and the ties we have with our loved ones here on the earth.

Things are gearing up for a particularly busy fall here in Georgia. In two weeks, I will begin my first teaching job outside of grad school at Columbus State University. It is still hard to believe that I am actually a professor. Maybe if I started the lesson planning that I have been putting off, I would feel more comfortable in the role! Ha. I am excited for this new adventure, and somewhat glad that it is only one semester; I'll have enough time to get into a good rhythm and learn many new things, I'm sure, but working two jobs will only last a little over three months. I will continue to work at Greystone, with only a change in schedule to avoid working literally seven days a week. I will also continue tutoring the little girl that I do, although lately she is complaining that it is "too hard". We may have to take a couple of sessions to work on cursive or singing French songs instead of learning new words, but I am optimistic that, in her extreme youth of 4 years old, she will pull through! So, it will certainly not be a dull period.

I hope that all is well with you, and pray that you will be blessed today! Hopefully I will be back again soon for more updating. Much love to you!

Another season

This week marks somewhat of (another!) new season in our time in Georgia. Michael's unit is heading out on a deployment, but he will not be going with them. He's been assigned to stay back and be one of the general maintenance mechanics with two other guys. What a gift it is! Until we got the final-final-final word, I tried to focus on the positives of both scenarios: if he goes, we have the opportunity to save some extra money and I will be busy with work; if he stays, obviously we are saved from another long period of separation. I am thankful, however, that it ended up being the latter. Due to the perks of my work as well as just simply having a second income, we have started to save a little extra money already. In preparation for our move back home to Washington, this is going to come in handy! The Army will be moving the bulk of our belongings, but we plan to drive our truck cross-country to meet them. We are so excited!!!

As I write this morning, I am listening to a "vintage" Third Day album that brings me far back to when Michael and I first met and were both part of the youth group at Faith Fellowship church. My godfather, Dave, was still alive and it felt like life could only get better. The truth is, it does; just not usually in the way that you think it will! Who knew that all those years ago (Team H&M has known one another for almost 15 years at this point...) I had met the person I would end up spending the rest of my life with! It is so strange to reflect upon. Lord help me if a child of mine has the same thing happen...! This music also brings me back to some of my best memories with some great friends. I am glad to still know all of them and look forward to getting to "know" them again; this time, we are pretty much all grown up and much changed! It seems that the joy of looking forward to moving back west grows each day as I realize more and more just how much I have missed in being so far away for so long. Of course, God only knows what will come in the future, but no matter what it is, I am thankful that we look forward to at least some time actually living near our oldest friends and our families!

Grateful as I am that Michael will not be leaving for Kuwait this week, my heart goes out to those who are preparing to say goodbye for many months. I have never been present for the very departure, so it is already a new experience to be here for it. I do know, however, the moment of that last conversation on the US cell phone and the strange flood of emotion that follows and continues for the next 9-12 months. This deployment should only last 9 months, but I believe that that may mean they do not get a 2 week R&R like a normal deployment. Needless to say, it breaks my heart to know what our fellow spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends, and children are going through at this time. It is a surreal thing to think that we will not see them again before we move, most likely. I know we will be back to Georgia, since my goddaughter is here, but it will be strange to not be able to pick up the phone and invite someone over to the pool for a barbeque.

My job has been going well. I finally feel very comfortable with almost each scenario and task, and have been working on reformulating my attitude also. It is so easy to not fight the habit of just waiting to get off work. What for? I love spending time with Michael, but often when I get home the biggest event is doing the dishes! The past two weeks have been especially taxing, due to the last-minute absence of one of my coworkers and me covering for her. I enjoy being in the office on a more full-time basis, but I didn't get any time off between the week prior to when I filled in, so by Friday I was a wreck! Friday night we went to Atlanta with one of Michael's friends and were out very late, so today is the first day I am really just taking to rest. I've come down with a bit of a cold, but hope to nip it in the bud by Wednesday afternoon when I go back to the office. So - my new attitude. I figure it is such a waste of energy to focus on what time one gets to leave; it sets you up for much more disappointment if a customer arrives right before closing, and pretty much blocks any occasion of enjoyment. Touring someone is not an inconvenience but an opportunity to get to know someone who very possibly could be a resident at some future time. Why not focus on them? It has added much spring to my step. An interruption to writing an email or working on a lease can lead to the most enjoyable conversation of the day.

I hope that this post finds you all well.