JDB update! (15 and a half months)

Since leaving Facebook, I have been told by many that they miss seeing posts of Jonathan and updates about him (it seems it was why most people were still "friends" with me! 😂). I am still not interested in reactivating my account at this time, so I've decided to make an effort to post more, shorter blogs with photos and information about how he's growing and what he's up to.

The past few weeks, he has been learning many new things. In just the past few days, he's said "minion" and "tractor" for the first time, and seems to be on the brink of many other new words. (Up to now, "mama/maman/mum", "dada/papa/baba" and "ha=hot" have been his main words.) It's amazing to watch his little wheels turn as he processes language and begins to make those connections. Since I only speak in French to him, we are very curious to see how the two languages emerge.

Jonathan LOVES being outside! He is a diligent little worker with his daddy, usually walking around with a screwdriver or tiny hammer with which he periodically pounds the grass or gravel. He also enjoys the snow, although the wet stuff we had yesterday and the fact that I'd left all of his boots at Grandma's didn't make for a very long playtime, and he quickly was over it. Here are a couple photos and a video from his recent times outside.

He also loves music! He has a small guitar that perhaps in a few years he can actually play like you are "supposed" to. For now, he has become a very good strummer while the guitar sits flat in our living room. He loves to listen and watch Michael play his guitar. This week, Jonathan has also started "playing" piano "by himself". He does seem to have a pretty good grasp on how it's supposed to look, and he loves to adjust the settings on my keyboard. This week, he even figured out how the volume works and enjoys turning it all the way down and all the way up as he tests that it is still working as he thinks it does! Here's a video to prove it.

Jonathan continues to laugh and smile often (and make us do the same), which is a mercy, as he has entered the whiny toddler stage recently! Despite this, I would still say that the best way to describe him would be extremely curious and joy-filled. I will do my best to continue to post updates regularly.

When hate has hit home, how do we respond?

I have not written a blog entry for a long time, as my mind and heart have been constantly troubled and baffled by the events of past months. Two weeks ago, I left Facebook due to the influx of negative and unproductive posting coming from both “sides” that seem ever at odds over every real and important issue plaguing our country and government in the wake of an election that wreaked havoc on decency and respect – from both candidates. This post is not, however, to discuss or share my thoughts on President Trump and why he is or is not going to do “good” for this country. After all, 4 years lie ahead before that declaration can be truly made. I deeply hope and have been praying that the type of decisions his rhetoric throughout the campaign and immediately following his elections seemed to point to are tempered by time, thought, the other individuals now working with him (or against him, depending on their stance, but all supposedly "for country"), and last, but not least, the people who are using their voices and their presence to show which issues matter to them. But these issues are not what I want this post to focus on.

Today I am writing because a colleague and friend has been the direct target of hate speech and threats. Two weeks ago tomorrow, peaceful protests were held in response to the presence of an extremist, openly racist and homophobe speaker on the campus where I work. The president of the university stated that this individual was allowed to come (despite rampant threats from both sides, and a history of violence following or directly related to his speeches) due to the fact that our campus allows free speech. At the time, I thought it was logical, and perhaps it should stand as such. What is unfortunate is that this individual’s speeches, given under the guise of “free speech”, have almost without exception incited some form of hate speech or violence on specific individuals whose personal information and identity was stalked and shared through social media or by being physically followed. This kind of behavior is unacceptable. The kind of disrespect and violence associated with the individual who is indirectly responsible for the harm threatened to my colleague has no business in a country apparently trying to get back to a place of bipartisan dialogue that at least attempts to hear out the other side before stating their point of view. 

On the other hand, one might say why can't both sides just shut up and deal with it. Well, because in situations like this, where one party is clearly already at a disadvantage because they are a minority by race, sex, or literal number, both sides are not equal from the start at all. "Shut up and deal with it" should imply that both sides are at an equal ad- or disadvantage, have shared their views on whatever topic is in question, and continue to disagree with no clear exit. In this case, sure, shut up and agree to disagree. But my colleague's case is in no way this latter type of scenario. He was stalked in person and online and made to feel as though he couldn't come to teach his own class without worrying for his safety. This isn't free speech in action, but hate speech and just plain hate.  

My friend is one of the most vibrant, caring, and promising colleagues that I have the pleasure of knowing. He is an exceptional teacher, and has taught multiple foreign language courses and literature classes. He tirelessly seeks to provide safe spaces for productive discussions about major issues, political and social. His laugh is infectious, and he loves deeply. I have an unending admiration for his work ethic and the fact that he never seems to know enough about a given subject – sometimes his tenaciousness is even a bit outlandish, but that is what makes him himself. I have never, ever, known him to shy away from being himself, and he ever encourages those around him to do the same while respecting the rich variety of beliefs and realities with which we are all surrounded in this wild era in history. He and I wouldn't agree on everything, but he is someone I would debate hot issues with, because I know he would have checked his facts and be seeking the "best good" in that discussion. The kind of atmosphere he seeks to create wherever he goes is one that I think we can all learn from and our country desperately needs. 

Speak out and reach out. Be kind. Find something positive to focus on, even if just for a few minutes a day. The hate is either exhausting or like a drug - the former gets old and we more easily let go of it, while the latter is addictive and poisonous. Let us choose fatigue of hate so that it can give way to love. Because LOVE WINS EVERY TIME. And if others are to hear and believe this, it starts with us. Michael Jackson was right: it's the man in the mirror that we need to start with, and it needs to happen today!

Two things to hold

It's a rainy, grey day and I look a mess. No time to put on anything but mascara and my hair is already coming out of the pins I used to try to keep it out of my face. A new neighbor cat thought today was a good day to start claiming our front stoop, and so he peed on one of the two new bags of cloth diapers that had just been delivered. In the short drive to drop off Jonathan to his grandma's, I saw no less than 10 drivers do totally ridiculous and dangerous things. And the bus I'm now on sounds like it's middle is about rusted off its hinges, so it will be interesting to see how that plays out.

All of this is of course to establish that my mood has often better. It is also, however, to preface an explanation of one of the things I believe that as humans - and even more so, as Christians - we will and should grapple with most of the days of our lives: How do we see all of the frustration, pain and evil that should be evident to us each day and still remain hopeful - even joyful? 

I personally believe that we should strive to "hold" both things (in our minds or awareness: choose not to ignore one to the deficit of the other) as much of the time as possible. Not because we should dwell on the yucky stuff in the world, but because it should be the motivating factor - the fire under our asses, so-to-speak - behind a hope that we CAN make the world a better place, and a subsequent adjustment to our actions. 

My work forces me to think and read constantly about animal ethics. If you read more than a few pages in any book that addresses the topic, you will come across some degree of discussion about the horrors of factory farming and/or animal experimentation. (Unless it is a 100% philosophical work, in which case these issues are not always a constant focus.) I don't want to get into those topics here, but only use the fact that I am often thinking about them to bring up the way that this holding, this balancing of the awareness of evil and our attempting to at least not aggravate it, it reaches every aspect of our lives down to the food you choose to put in your (and your children and pets') mouth.

Knowing that God made this world and that at any moment could choose to eradicate all evil, or just everything and everyone, the whole deal, is what I am trying to cling to as I constantly push back on a feeling of help- and hopelessness when I have a day like today, see how so many people act based only on anger and emotions (=mot considering others' contexts, only thinking of how X action affects me in an inconvenient way), or just simply think about the fact that I have a 200-250 page dissertation to write! He COULD fix it, if He wanted to. He's GOD. So why waste any length of time wallowing? Does it stop the cat marking his territory, or the idiot who absolutely cannot drive just 10 mph over, and also won't suffer through the hardship of establishing his lane and getting over more than 50 feet before his exit? Nope. All I can do is clean up the pee and focus on driving safely. We can't do life for other people or animals. Our society is so focused on do-it-yourself and finding the right solution to your problems, that we've completely lost the plot on the fact that some things are not perfect, and that that is just fine. We should strive to be kind, to respect and love each other, and to think critically about where the things we eat, wear and use might have come from. 

These thoughts are a bit jumbled, but I urge you today to stop worrying about why things or people suck so badly - most of the time it accomplishes absolutely nothing! Let's try to make the world better, let's hold on to hope without losing sight of the reason we need to.

An ode to the real 4.0 student

This week is finals week of my first quarter back since Jonathan was born. I chose to TA for a class on Rome, as it only required me to be on campus 3 days per week, and it's been a great experience thus far. However, thanks to a  few students, I am feeling stretched and poked like a mound of Play Doh (sp??). 

I am quite aware that in many cases where there is a stricter grader and a more generous grader, I will be the former. It seems to me that a student who receives an A should be anything but complacent, and that that grade is for those who have pushed themselves continuously in a course. A 4.0/100% should only be given when exceptional work has been done, as it implies perfection. Unfortunately, we work and study in a time and a country where students often expect to be given a passing grade (read=A) just for showing up and doing a decent job on most of the assigned work. That a teacher would demand consistent study, practice and punctuality in turning in work seems to be a totally abstract concept for many. I'm sorry for this rant, but some of the experiences that my colleagues and myself have had are simply laughable, and continue to confirm the reality that many American students (the international students are usually more open to adapting to regular expectations if they aren't already conditioned to them) expect to be given the grade that they want just for occupying a desk in the university of their choice. 

So, back to me being the strict grader. I am currently dealing with multiple students who think my grades are unfair and several of whom have gone to the professor about it. Now, let me say that this is the first "content course" I have TAd for in 7 years of teaching, and that I, too, had a very steep learning curve as to how to grade essays, in particular. The students had two papers due over the course of the quarter. The first paper took me at least 14 hours to grade, probably more. The amount of basic spelling, grammar and syntax errors was staggering, and, I do admit, may well have caused me to mark some grades down lower than I would have otherwise. Having said this, 15 years ago, that kind of marking down would have been normal practice, I'm quite sure. I was under the impression that part of writing a good paper requires that the reader not have to parse and reorder your clauses, words and letters themselves in order to understand your points, but that's just my humble opinion, and one with which roughly 65% of my students in this course would apparently disagree. I gathered this from the death glares that I received from many otherwise upbeat individuals upon receiving the graded essays. Shockingly, most of the students most upset rarely spoke in class, and don't seem particularly concerned with whether or not they make it to lecture on a regular basis. 

All of this is to demonstrate my reasons for being extremely irritated with the fact that I now am spending valuable time during my weekend and time off trying to make a few average students feel better about themselves by pretending that a book report is an acceptable 4.0 essay and that it's all my fault if they don't get the grade they "need". Now, I'm aware that, apparently, the other two TAs' averages were slightly higher than mine, but I didn't receive specifics and this was something a student shared with me to bolster her argument for more points. It's very possible that their averages are higher, in which case the professor wants us all to adjust our median/curve. Either way, the students complaining are not turning in work that consistently demonstrates attention to detail and some attempt at excellence. I understand not every student is capable of excelling in every course they take, as we are all extremely different in our skills and interests. Isn't that what studying is for? Or a B or C grade? I had a horrible time getting passing grades in a handful of Gen Eds in undergrad, and I'm sure I complained...but I DID THE WORK! 

This, then, is my ode to the students in my class who did receive 4.0's (I DID give several out, along with several other A grades!) and most of whom pursued their questions by getting in touch with me during class or otherwise. Great students are far too often hard to distinguish from the pack of average ones in our current culture of grade inflation, and that is just not fair. This inflation isn't fair for the great students (duh), but it's also unfair for their teachers who are faced with either giving in to or engaging in ridiculous debates with the average/disatisfied students. It is actually NOT true that everyone deserves to succeed identically in every area, and tgis should be a source of richness in a society, because it should allow those that do excel to be recognized for it. What everyone DOES deserve is to succeed at the thing they were made to succeed at. The American Dream didn't start out as the idea that an Italian who was a wizard with pasta should come to America because there he could be a world-famous shoe-maker, or that a French breadmaker could come be a good blacksmith. It was the idea that you should be able to succeed in the area you were made for. First you have to find out what that is, and that requires much trial and error. Many students in US colleges and universities today live as if all you need to do to be successful at something is to check the box next to it for your major.

I'm trying to end this in a cool way but it just keeps going on, so I will just stop! Can we just all be okay with not being the best at everything??

Growing faster all the time

Our little boy is growing up so fast! In just the past day he has learned how to turn pages in his books and really hug me when he came home from Grandma's yesterday. It is just unbelievable how much he learns all the time now! 

We are blessed that he continues to sleep well and has started eating some banana without any issues. I have had to ask for a lot of extra support the past couple of weeks due to the build-up of stress and fatigue, but that is a good thing to learn how to do. I wake up each day incredibly grateful for the time and energy both Michael's and my family put in to help care for and love Jonathan!