Happy holidays!

Wow, can't believe it's December already! Our move is fast approaching, and I feel less ready with each passing day. In no way do I not want to be closer to our families and friends or for Michael to start back in a job that he's missed for so long, but we've come to know some pretty neat people down here. However, I do look forward to no longer having to miss family during the holidays, and know Michael really is looking forward to that! While we'll just miss Christmas and New Year's at home (arriving back sometime around January 20-22nd), we both anticipate a delectably chilly last month or two of winter. Read = it was almost 80 degrees here today, on December the 3rd. Despite it's lingering nature in Chicago, I will always err on the cold side of things than not. You can always put on another layer...and those boots and poofy coats sure take up a lot of space in the closet for naught if it never drops below freezing!

Thanksgiving was at our apartment this year. I cooked everything but the mashed potatoes, which was an adventure all its own. Quite satisfying to do all that cooking for two days and have it turn out delicious, but my feet needed about a week to recover. We had four friends over, and everyone seemed to eat well and be happy. I meant to document with some photographs, but was too busy rendering gravy and cutting pie (or eating it...) to remember. Got one good one of the turkey BEFORE it went in the oven, but that doesn't really do everything else justice. Needless to say, I look forward to Christmas, when we will be with my goddaughter's family and, while I will be very happy to bring one or more dishes to warm up or prepare, not making the entire spread.

My teaching duties at Columbus State are very nearly at an end, and how strange it all seems. Almost like a dream. My office is finally beginning to feel my own just in time for me to leave it behind, and my department head and the main French professor have both mentioned multiple times how much they'd rather I stayed. It's nice to feel wanted, especially in the profession I'm in where the pickings are often slim for job openings. I have a few things on the burners for when we get home, but overall know there will be at least a good month or two of less-busy times. After working every weekend save four since March, I'll take that and run with it!

We're excited for my dad's visit later this month. He'll come straight after wrapping up the Christmas tour in Texas, so maybe we'll get him to serenade us with a few carols on my keyboard here. I've fenagled a guest suite through our apartment complex for about half the amount of a hotel and he'll be able to walk just 2-3 minutes to get to our apartment. I'm hoping by that time, Michael will have finished his gear inventory and cleaning production, since currently there is hardly a spare inch of space here to sit! I understand he must do it so that he turns in everything he is supposed to, but it's been a lesson in chaos for me.

It is late, and the things I had planned to work on won't be able to happen this evening, so I shall go rest my head. I hope this finds you well and enjoying the holidays.

Elections, Cholesterol, and Remembrances

This morning I will try to sum up many of the things that I have been wanting to blog about the past several weeks, but haven't had time to. Last week was back to back to back work, teaching, make-up assignments for my students, and appointments. This week, I am thankful to be back into a normal schedule and to see the light at the end of the tunnel for this semester. Before I jump into what I've been mulling over recently, I want to share a verse of Scripture that I have memorized and have been repeating in my mind.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but He who lives in me. And the life that I now live, I live in faith in the Son of God; who loves me and who gave His life for me.                                                              Galatians 2:20

This verse has served as a constant reminder of the fact that, as Christians, we are not called to our lives or our plans, but to His. C.S. Lewis' metaphor of Christians being Little Christs is perhaps a bit strange when you first read it, but in the end, probably one of the best ways to illustrate what it means. I am thankful that God has given me much and that I have a very specific set of abilities, but we must never forget that we did not earn them, they were simply given out of a love the likes of which we will never see replicated outside of the Trinity - at least not on this side of life. And so today, I want to confess my selfishness and ask for His Spirit to truly enter into me; that I might be a bit more like the Little Christ I was meant to be. I think when one ponders the greatness and love of God, there are two ways we can react: 1) discouragement in the awareness that we can never quite reach the same level of grace no matter how much we try, and 2) encouragement in the truth that He just wants us to ask Him to help us try! Obviously, the latter is what He so desperately desires us to feel, and the former causes many people (including myself, much of the time) a great deal of dark moments. Quite frankly, I am starting to think that those dark moments from being discouraged instead of encouraged by the immensity of God actually pull us away from Him. How awful! So, take heart, and allow yourself to be encouraged by the vastness of the One we call Father, Lord, Alpha & Omega. For He is good, and He has given us all that we have and that we are.

Last week, we re-elected a man in whom I had a great deal of faith 4 years ago. It would seem that many still do, and I would really like to say that I am one of them. However, I was greatly troubled by this election. My husband, who had no doubts coming up to Election Week as to who he would vote for, will tell you that I agonized for weeks. Literally. I won't say more about who I did or didn't vote for, but I will say that somehow I was relieved when I heard "A Chicago ils font la fête!" last Wednesday. (I listen to a French podcast weekday mornings, in hopes to hear somewhat unbiased news of major events in the States.) When I then went to Facebook, I knew I had made a mistake, and that it would have been best to leave well enough alone. Am I not the only one exhausted by our generation's lack of ability to actually discuss and weigh options? All I feel like I have seen is full on trash talking and disrespectful comments worthy of a disgruntled hockey fan. (And mind you, I am very upset by the NHL lockout.) But sports and politics were never meant to be on the same playing field - forgive the pun. In our country, the talk shows about each of them certainly seem to be using the same vocabulary and making the same types of blanket statements. I understand that we are a nation where the freedom of speech is truly a gift. However, I believe it is positively embarassing that so many in this country think it is okay to openly disrespect our President and any candidate running for that office. While I know many felt there was simply not a "safe" choice this election, once you vote, it is out of your hands. It is then our job, I think, to support whoever is elected with the goal of uniting as one people under God and the stars and stripes. What good does it do to be bitter and angry about the outcome of this election? Of course it will impact us all, but in the meantime will we be best served by playing the role of Eeyore, or worse? My hope for the next 4 years is not that they will pass quickly so that we can "move on" or whatever those who dislike Obama have said, but rather, I hope that they will bear the fruit that this man who once impressed and inspired so many of us has been speaking of. If you have faith in God, then you must believe that everything, everything in this world happens for a reason. Sometimes, when it comes to horrible events such as the Holocaust or apartheid in South Africa, it is extremely hard to understand why God allows such things to pass. This is certainly not a subject I will attempt to tackle here. However, would you compare Obama's re-election to the Holocaust in "evil" or in "unalignment" with God's character? I just am baffled by the comments being made publicly on Twitter and Facebook, and by the relationships that are being torn apart because we cannot agree to disagree. Democrats and Republicans are not sports teams. They are people who have professed a certain set of general stance and belief on certain issues.

I am rambling and have probably offended anyone reading this. Much of it I just had to share and get off my chest, because I have been thinking it for the past several weeks. Hopefully you will understand that it comes out of a place of frustration with a generation glued to their iPhones and iPads, and who can hardly have the time to actually learn about a candidate's position. We are losing the ability to truly debate, to discuss something without storming out of a room. I confess that I am guilty of sometimes letting myself get overly emotional when discussing a big issue. But I truly believe that the key to our nation's "come back" is not who we elect, but rather that we learn to work together again. I truly, truly, pray for the President, that he would be able to do what he has set out to and start rebuilding trust and true communication between the two parties. He has quite the opportunity to do so, given that the House is largely Republican. I don't know if he will, but I have faith in him because I am an American and I choose to stand behind the men and women who lead this country. We have much to be proud of, and I think that our President should always be a part of that.

Moving on! Last week, I returned to the doctor to have a follow up appointment for my cholesterol, which back in August I learned was extremely high. It is hereditary, so I really wasn't sure that any changes would have much effect, and also was a bit skeptical given the fact that I already rarely ate fried or fatty foods and worked out regularly. However, I chose to make some changes such as cutting out butter nearly completely and trying to eat some of the foods that are celebrated for their benefits. I have started eating steel cut oats, sweet potatoes, avocados, and more fish. Luckily all of these are delicious and it just takes a bit more planning to eat more of them. It would seem that all of that paid off, because the results are in and my bad cholesterol is back into the normal zone and my good is way up! I was so relieved.

The last thing that I wanted to mention today is Veteran's Day. Last night, we watched part of a special featuring "Lieutenant Dan" and many gifted actors and musicians, along with an entire crowd full of military and their families. It is hard for me to listen to such accounts, because it seems to always bring me to a place emotionally that I really would rather not go back to - the constant wondering whether your loved one is okay, or if they will come home. I always had faith that God knew what He was doing, as He always does, but I just didn't know if I was strong enough to deal with Michael not making it back. Obviously, he has done, and I am thankful for that every day. So as we sit and listen to the accounts of those whose loved ones did not make it back, I am always deeply moved. The strength which is required to endure such trials is absolutely unimaginable to me. I am so thankful for each person that has stood up for his or her country overseas, and who wears the uniform of a soldier. My godbrother, Ryan, and his wife have been through deployments on land and sea and both returned safe and sound. My mom's aunt served as a nurse for many years and lived until she was into her 70's. Michael's grandfather was a chaplain in the Army, and many of his forefathers before him also served. I am surrounded by honorable men and women at home and out in my comings and goings, and I am so very grateful for their sacrifices. I pray that as time goes on, we would need to send less and less of our sons and daughters to protect our freedoms, and that the world would war less and unite more. But whatever happens, we are all fortunate to live in this country, and should be proud to do so. Thank you, Veterans!

Yoga hikes and an open window - fall is here!

It is hard to believe, but fall has indeed arrived this week, even here in Georgia. From the falling, crunchy leaves to the refreshingly cool evenings and mornings that finally prompted me to open up our windows again, I am happy to report it! The cats, too, rejoice in the "freedom" of the fresh air; as I type they each have a window and look out at the prey they will likely never have the honor of killing in real life. Hopefully it livens their dreams!

Lately, now that I have just one day off per week, I often find myself feeling a bit strung out on awakeness. Or business. Or somethingness. But no matter what it is, rarely does it feel like laidbackness! That being said, I am learning to value the three things that I do not only for the income they provide, but for the fulfillment that they really do provide. And it is not simply a fulfillment of knowing I can buy a nice bottle of wine once in a while or even a new pair of shoes, but rather, of knowing that I AM worthy and that I might even be somewhat of a significant asset to the people whom I work for! Hopefully you don't take that as haughtiness, for you may have read my recent post about the struggle I've had with feeling "worthy", particularly of my professorship this semester. Let me extrapolate a bit on that, and why I am [beginning to!] feel more worthy.

My students (I may or may not have mentioned this previously) essentially bombed their first exam. Like, I have never had that bad of a grade breakdown since starting to teach; 6 sections at UIC and the most that I had was 3, I think. In my class of 24, I had 7 with F's and 4 with D's. Not to forget the 3 A's and 5 each of B's and C's, but it was still discouraging to grade more and more and see a consistent stream of my red pen. Perhaps it would help me, too, to take up that research of correcting in some other color in order to reduce stress on students...I've used purple before and may go back! Anyway, the fact of the matter was, when I finally settled down and looked at where most of the points were lost, it wasn't really something that I could have "taught" better: I asked them to review several readings which included cultural information and vocabulary. Now, when I say "I asked them" this does not actually mean, "I kind of mentioned it in passing". I explicitly put it on the top of the review sheet that I made up for them, and in addition, drew their attention to this very fact as we started our review. So I really was quite in disbelief when no fewer than 6-8 students told me as they handed their test in, "I didn't know we were supposed to know that!". Well, perhaps actually showing up to the review or printing it off might have helped you. Just a suggestion for your future success in your college education. All of this to say, that, once I'd taken stock, I did learn some lessons about how to choose which exercises to put on an exam, but was also reminded of the sheer vapidness of the idea that your class will actually do what you say if you do not literally hit them over the head with it. Moving on from my rant on my students...

Despite my recent statements perhaps seeming a bit flippant as far as my end of the responsibility, I did feel a much bigger importance to planning this second chapter better. I began by making the exam so that I could be aware throughout the whole thing what I was preparing them for, and how to best help them succeed. Of course, this all hinges on your lesson plans actually going as planned, which any person in any kind of teaching capacity is well aware is the case perhaps 5% of the time. If you're lucky. I have been so lucky a couple of times just this chapter, and I'm hoping that some of it may even be me learning to lesson plan better! There are always the small frustrations of the questions that you don't really know the answer off the top of your head to, but I am reacclamating to the feeling and really can't beat myself up when I forget some slang terms or mix up the 100th exception to a grammar topic. After all, I do try to remind myself that I would not, by any means, be prepared to teach English grammar at this point in my life, though I would probably have a shot, if anywhere, here in the South. While my French has certainly not been used intensely as much as my English my whole life, I did learn it in a very similar fashion, and probably never really memorized rules like my students have to in order to succeed.

So: my growing feeling of worthiness is coming from a slow opening up to giving myself grace. Grace to take a Monday evening to write and get out a few of the things that have been on my mind outside of the realm of teaching or leasing. Grace to really start enjoying yoga more, and even beginning a breathing and walking routine daily despite the time constraints that I am dealing with. I think what it really ends up coming down to is that I am actually learning about myself. I do love teaching, but many aspects of it are stressful and easily can obscure the simple joys of it. Some things I'm learning, or that I might even venture to say that I've actually learnED:

• I can do an up-dog in yoga. I did one last Friday for the first time, and it was one of the most liberating feelings I've had in a while. And yes, that from just pushing myself up on my hands and the backs of my feet alone. 
• I cannot learn French for my students. It is always possible to improve my teaching, to plan better, and to make fewer mistakes during lessons, but at the end of the day, they are the ones who have to put in the work. 
• We will always work with some people we tolerate better than others. I am fortunate to have an office of people who mostly get on, but there are some moments where I really have to reel myself in. Initially, that caused me to "bring it home" quite a bit, and that impacted my relationship with Michael. So I am learning to deal with it the best that I'm able while in the workplace, and then leave it there when I leave. 

Now you know a bit more where I am with all of that, I do want to share some more about my recent yoga adventures. As it says in the title, I have now participated in my first yoga "hike". My parents both gave me scrunchy faces of confusion and skepticism this afternoon on FaceTime when I said that combination of words, but it really is a cool thing that works. We basically just go on a 2 mile walk, or fast paced walk, and stop periodically (about 4 times) to do some yoga. Most of it was done standing, though at the end we also did some "down dog" and "up dog" type things. The hike was wrapped up with a 10 minute meditation walk and then some quiet time amidst a few candles back in the studio. We then all convened at a restaurant where the yoga studio's husband is chef and her parents own it. Altogether a really really enjoyable evening, and even though Michael wasn't able to join me, I very much felt a wee bit recharged from it. I was of course sore, having done hot yoga earlier that day, too, but it is a sore that if you can't enjoy, you at least understand and appreciate it. The bug bites, not so much. 

Yesterday afternoon, I finally finished watching the final episode of that pivotal teenage drama, The OC, again. It was probably at least the 3rd time I've watched it since I own all 4 seasons, but there is just something so nostalgic about it. [Warning: spoiler alert if you haven't seen it all yet!] The Cohens moving back into the home they started out in, Seth & Summer parting ways for her to go picket for safe oceans and then getting married, Ryan becoming an engineer and having [necessary] Marissa flashbacks. Julie Cooper actually doing something not involving gold-digging also maintained the flow of tears from my eyes. It also has to do with the fact that we were all in highschool when we first watched it. That and One Tree Hill really almost followed our path timewise, though we of course never had make-up quite that perfect or boyfriends quite that spastic. Okay, maybe the boyfriends were spastic, but we certainly never attended a highschool like Ryan, Seth, Marissa, and Summer did. At least Tree Hill High was a small town school. All of this just to say that it is like so many things that spark that longing for "before". It was never as good as we now imagine it, but yet we still seek after those same emotions every once in a while. I am thankful that God has made us with that longing for a reason, and to know that that longing will be fulfilled once we arrive next to Him in Heaven. For now, I suppose we must try to be content with bawling our eyes out as we watch the final episodes of those shows we knew so well over and over. 

Students, thunderstorms, and rollercoasters.

This afternoon in my class, the thing that I imagine any novice language teacher dreads happened to me. I had to look up a word. On my phone. During class. I suppose I should be grateful that I had the option, but it is just so irritating when you know that you know it but you just cannot get it together. The word? Rollercoaster. I really dislike rollercoasters, and thus never really use the word frequently in any language. Of course, this unfortunate moment also came about shortly after I had mixed up the definition of a particular grammar point I was teaching, confusing both myself and my students. The thing teaching helps you realize is, you relearn the rules just as much as they learn them! You know how to say it, but you don't always remember why. It certainly doesn't help matters that I teach a language where literally every single grammar point has at least one exception...and of course, that is always what students want to know about. And in moments like those, all you will be able to think of, invariably, is a full-fledged list of REGULAR verbs. C'est la vie, mes amis.

Lately we have had some very grey and stormy weather in Georgia. I suppose it's got something to do with that Isaac business that we've all heard about, though now I'm pretty sure it's just God laughing at those of us who know what a gorgeous Pacific Northwest summer-to-fall transition looks and feels like. Don't get me wrong, I adore knowing that I will probably be able to go sunbathe at the pool at some point in October. However, I don't so much adore feeling like I live in a sauna every time I walk out of my front door, thanks to 80-90 degree temperatures and 70-90% humidity. But enough complaining - so Georgia is hot & sticky, Washington is cool and refreshing, whether in the sun or rain. Who knew? (Oh, wait. EVERYONE.)

Michael's best friend, Kris, visited us for a week earlier this month, and they had a great time! It was a bit unfortunate that it feel on a week where I was also working more than normal, and subsequently more than my normal level of stressed, but they cooked some great food for me and we also enjoyed a delicious dinner out at Michael's and my favorite restaurant here in town, Buckhead Grill. (Dinner=delicious. Running into one of your students bussing tables after two glasses of wine=Not so delicious.) So, they had a great time fishing, camping, and shooting at the range. I'm glad Kris was able to come down, and am happy that they will soon be able to plan hiking and camping trips regularly up in Washington. Michael still has the rest of this week off, so he has had more time to rest and relax. Tomorrow we both have off, so I am very much looking forward to actually not having an agenda for the first time in at least two or three weeks. Then it will be back to touring people in the Sauna Saturday morning...but I digress.

Teaching has been going well. I'm tempted to say, "It's going forward" in order to not betray too much confidence or positive attitude, but I'll just hedge my bets for now and leave it at "Well." There have been some frustrating moments, but as any teacher knows (and especially in language teaching, or perhaps, math, which is also like a totally foreign language) there are bound to be moments that help you forget the others, in a good way. As I've gotten more familiar with the new book I'm using and been reminded of the usual blank stares students give you 60-80% of the time, I have begun adjusting and learning faster and faster when it comes to my teaching style and lesson planning. Their first exam is in a week, so we'll see what we'll see then. I have a group where there are many strong students and several who struggle very much, so we'll see how it evens out. They were put into their first seating chart today, so I'm hoping that by the next exam, that will help distribute people out better during group work, so that they aren't always working with their buddies or the same person. Every class has such unique dynamics, and even those can change from day to day. I have to constantly remind myself to reflect on when I was in college and grad school: though I know I was a good student who generally performed well (especially in language classes), I also know that there were inevitably days where my facial expression would have knocked a clown right out of his shoes, it was so not cheery! (A happy clown, not a horror clown.) That always, always, helps me feel better and, I hope, think more realistically about "how I did". Really, the proof is in the pudding no matter what you refer to. In this case, the "pudding" is made up of many factors, but the most reliable are exams and projects students have time to work on and prepare for.

I'm currently at my office and must get home. Many blessings to you all, and happy fall!

High cholesterol?

Just a quick note as I need to get back into preparing for classes to start next week the rest of the day. Yesterday, my bloodwork confirmed that my cholesterol was exceptionally high despite my age. It has sparked my interest in learning more about how to cook or enjoy fruits and vegetables in a variety of ways. On one hand it is a bit frustrating, since I have been working extra hard the past couple months on exercise and cooking healthy. Butter is one of the few things I can work to eliminate completely, but otherwise I really only fall down on ice cream (and have done so much less than was normal for me previously!). 

This morning, Michael and I went to the massive gym on base; he has today and tomorrow off for a 4-day weekend and I'm off also. He was meeting some guys to play basketball and so I got some time to focus on a good hour and fifteen minutes of cardio. My goal is to kick cholesterol's butt all the way to the other side of the world! Haha. Though that alone will probably not push the numbers down, I am optimistic and remain determined to continue working out consistently despite the impending spike in business of my schedule :)

So, just a little word on recent events and what I intend to do about them. I finally received the final official word about when and what I will be teaching starting next week. It will be a French 1002 Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and only one section. I am thankful, despite the 50% drop it obviously means in the salary. With my work at Greystone, I sometimes have to work harder to "leave work at work" than I used to at grad school, it feels like! Thus, I am excited to be able to continue that while taking advantage of an opportunity at Columbus State, which will get me some invaluable experience in this current job. Of course, prayers and encouragement are always happily received :)