The holidays are here!

For Thanksgiving this year, four of us TA's went to Sarah K's home in Muskegon, Michigan, so celebrate the holiday with her family. Benjamin, Cécile, and myself all crammed into the backseat of Sar's sister, Danielle's, Jetta for the 3-hour trip over and had a great time, although we were all exhausted from the long stretch of the semester! The night we arrived, the night before Thanksgiving (Wednesday) we went out to the local bar to celebrate with some of Sar's highschool friends and had a really nice time. Nothing crazy but it was good to get out!Thanksgiving morning we all got up and started helping Sarah's mom, Mary, cook the big meal. There were 9 of us for the dinner in all so it was a good group - not too big, but not too small, either! The food was delicious, and I got to talk to Michael for almost an hour and a half that morning so that is always a plus. It's very strange to not have him here during all of these "firsts" for us...I guess that we'll just have our firsts again next year!In Chicago during the month of December, there is a German Christmas market that is called the "Christkindlmarket" and I actually went twice last week - once with one of my neighbors, Amelia, and once with the Sarah's. The second time, pictured here, it was 20 degrees and there were loads of people there - but we still had a great time!
Last week when I picked my mail up from my box outside, there was a letter from one of my best friends in it saying how thankful she was for my friendship and how much she admired me for what I was doing. She had written it on Thanksgiving Day. Little things like that that come at unexpected times are some of God's best and most beautiful work, I think. That card completely rejuvenated me after a long day during the last week of classes this first semester, and gave me the encouragement that I needed in order to stay going strong for the last couple of days. It's been a great past few weeks, but I've been struggling with feeling like I am not teaching at the same level that I was initially. I think it is due to a number of things, but I know that one of the biggest reasons is that I am just burnt out. Going straight from college into grad school, while I am really glad that I did so, is pretty exhausting and I am certainly feeling that now! Luckily, we only need to be in the office Tuesday evening and Friday afternoon, and I only have one final exam on Thursday afternoon, so I am almost there!

I'll head out for Seattle on Saturday the 12th, where Michael's family will pick me up at the airport for a few days with them until my parents arrive home from my dad's "Southwest" portion of his tour in New Mexico and Texas. I cannot wait to share some moments with both my in-laws and my parents, and look forward to having almost a month of relaxation in the place in the States that I love the most. Also, my best friend Jes is coming up for a few days and New Year's this year, so I am really looking forward to that! I will miss Michael during this time and it will indeed be strange without him, but hopefully his mom and I have sent him enough in our packages to remind him we are here thinking of him and missing him and that he is so loved this Christmas. Next year will be an amazing time and I cannot wait, but we need to live as much in the present as we can, no matter how much we want it to be a year from now!

God bless all of you; I pray that this holiday has started out full of gratitude for both the joyful and challenging moments that have touched you this year. Hallelujah - a Child is born!

French TA function fotos :-)

Several joyous ladies - these pictures were actually taken in reverse order, so infer from that statement what you will. Here are Virginie & Cecile (Cecile is a TA and Virginie her best friend visiting from France) and Sarah K and Sarah B, who I spend probably about 80% of my time with.
The "rookie" women TA's for '09-'10 - Cecile, Sarah B, Sarah K, Lorelei, and myself.
Seth, a German PhD student, Benjamin, a 2nd year French TA from Paris, and myself.
Sarah B, Ellen, a 2nd year French TA, Kyla, the girlfriend of one of the 2nd year French TA's (who is herself a brain, studying science...) and Kat, Sarah B's sister (in case you didn't catch a resemblance...).
The cheese spread.
Bread, Nutella, and many cheeses - what else could one need?
Kyla telling a story to Virginie and Marta, a German TA from Germany. (Not sure where in Germany)
Johnny, Kyla's boyfriend, Ellen, and myself - starting out the evening with heavy convo apparently!

All in all it was a fabulous time with friends and food. Thanks to Sarah B and her roommates for hosting us all!

A moment, many moments...no time at all.

Tonight I am taking a moment. It has been a long semester, a long week, and even a long day - although not a bad one by any means. It seems that many days feel like "bad" ones lately; I think it is a mix of the rollercoaster of emotions that we all feel around the holidays as well as the obvious curveball of the absence of my new husband during this all-important time in my (and our) life(ves). I have learned that any moment of solitude - and there are many lately, should be looked at in as positive of a manner as possible; as an opportunity. An opportunity to rest, an opportunity to work, an opportunity to reflect, an opportunity to catch up with old friends or family, an opportunity to catch up with...God. If only that were my first resort and not so close to last so often!
I have been blessed with a church that feels more and more like home each week, and where, even among upwards of one thousand people, I am beginning to build a small community of brothers and sisters who I look forward to seeing each Sunday. However, these "moments", the times when I arrive at "home" and just pray before walking through the door that it will indeed feel like Home, they are what I have realized must change - or what I must allow to be changed. I am alone here, but God is with me always. I may not feel His presence for days, maybe the whole week, but He is here. It's amazing how one can look back even two or three days and see where His hand has moved things. No, it is rarely easy to spot while it is happening. But afterwards, when we look back and see how drastically he changed my tears during my prayer in the morning to laughter in the TA office in the afternoon - that is when I am humbled.
Actually, I am humbled every day before I go teach; somehow each morning I awake with the renewed feeling of inadequacy, with the sense that I cannot possibly be fit to teach a foreign language to 18 American college students. And, each day, God gently pushes me through that door - whether willingly or practically kicking and screaming - and says, "Come, do what I have asked. Don't you ask - just do. Yes, your husband is half a world away, and no, it isn't easy. But I have brought you to this point and all signs point to it when you look back down the road...even when you look forward to the unknown it is clear that this is the right direction." In the prayer book I have been using for the past month and a half or so, there is a passage this week that is talking about the dinner at Emmaus, when Christ has returned and the two do not yet realize that it is Him. As the passage describes the amazement and bewilderment at how different things are playing out, and how unbelievable, it explains how Jesus says to them, "Don't you see that it had to be like that? Was it not written?...Don't you understand that the Christ had to suffer and so enter into his glory? Don't you understand that it can't be otherwise for you? You have to jettison your small plans, because the Father's plans for you are unthinkably greater and more wonderful. You have to leap into [God's] hands, say an unconditional "Yes" and be born anew. [God's] love exceeds all that you deserve or even desire." (by Maria Boulding) My parents and I were in the Chicago Art Institute several weeks ago while they were visiting, and an oil painting of this very story was on display - "The Supper at Emmaus". The expressions on the men's faces is such a mix of pure joy and pure shock, two emotions which together are what I believe should live in each moment that we are here on earth living in God's grace. That passage, those words, remind me that temper tantrums do nothing. God cannot magically make me feel like I am not living alone, because I am. I am still faced with the realities of keeping up my studio and figuring out the ways in which I must motivate myself or seek God's help to motivate me in order to, at the very least, be calm...still. It is not an easy thing. I cry usually once or twice each day and it is exhausting and frustrating. Lately it circles most often around phone conversations with my husband; we are both at a loss as to exactly what we should talk about, for after about 5 or 10 minutes each, we are pretty much done with our daily updates. Personally, I have felt completely responsible for Michael's struggle with staying positive, even though I know that is not even possible! It is heartbreaking to know that the one person you love more than anything on the earth is struggling, is lonely, is feeling worthless...and not be able to do anything about it but invent anecdotes to try somehow to relate to them. And visa versa, I think - of course I am not in Iraq and I do get to sleep and I have internet that works when I want it to - but Michael does not understand all that I have been dealing with the way that my fellow TA's do. To know that my best friend no longer can know all of my thoughts and whereabouts and daily details literally breaks my heart. To not be able to go for a run with him along the lake on an absolutely stunning day that is perfectly crisp, to not be able to put up Christmas decorations and start listening to holiday music the day after Halloween, to not share my meals with him - it is positively dismal! And so, I walk on. I get up each day and try to remind myself through times of talking with God, of reading and studying His word, that I have indeed been put here for a reason, and that this time will be far from "in vain". Michael and I feel we have already hit a wall in our conversations - and yet we both know in the back of our minds that there is a much greater purpose at work here. It is only that we cannot see or understand it yet. We may never. But we most certainly can't change it, so there is no point in harping upon it more than is necessary.
I have been learning and being reminded these past few weeks of my dismal humanity - of my pettiness and of what should be worthlessness. The book of Ephesians in the Bible is a powerful one. At Willow Creek the pastoral team started with Chapter 1 and have gotten so far through Chapter 5. The amount of encouragement, the amount of good news...and also the amount of warnings and lessons in this book are simply phenomenal. So. I should be worthless. But the Bible tells me that Jesus died upon that cross that I may be worthy even for Him to call me friend. I cannot even begin to comprehend or grasp this, and I realize full well that this is the way that it is meant to be. I can continue to grow closer in my relationship with God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit...but there will always be more to learn, another facet or angle to see things from.
This week is the "last push", in my opinion. Of course, we still have two more weeks of class after, I have an 8-10 pg. paper that has yet to have a word of it typed, and then...finals week and my first semester-grades for a college course. Those promise, also, to be fun-filled, joyous moments. However, this week is really the last week that I am concerned about being "present" for. My choir concert (I'm in the UIC Women's Chorus and it is fabulous) is on Friday, and my final voice-recording assignment for my French grammar class is also due that evening. Thursday, I have my 2nd observation during my French 103 class - on a review day, to boot - and then a presentation in one of the most pointless courses that I have yet taken. Tuesday, my last paper for my French grammar class will be due. Tomorrow, I have time to read and prep for this week, along with doing laundry in the creepy downstairs basement. Need I say more to reveal how I am feeling about the next six days? Probably not. Only that God will get me through, that the paper is actually written already, that the observation - even should it go badly - will not get me fired and that the presentation - once I finish the reading - is really nothing to write many long run-on sentences about.
I will post a second post immediately following this one with some pictures of a get-together several of us had with the French TA's and several other friends/loved ones/etc. It was great fun, I just don't feel like copying and pasting them back & forth in all of these words! May God bless and keep you wherever you are.

November already!

I'm in the office at UIC and probably should be working on something more productive than blogging, but I've been meaning to do it for a couple of weeks now and am finished with all that I need to have done for today! Of course, there's "always something" one could be doing when he or she is a grad student, but sometimes you just have to set it aside for a minute.

Michael has been gone for almost a month now, and the time is really flying! Of course it is hard, and some days are very challenging emotionally - coming home to the empty apartment is getting easier. Grad classes are definitely wrapping up and the class that I teach is doing the same - just 4 weeks and a day left (not that I'm counting!) and things are quite busy. Well, actually, my students are busy is what I should say! We will be busy the last week of classes and finals week calculating final grades, but until then the lesson planning is pretty basic, even if the grammar is a bit confusing for them!

Chicago weather hasn't hit too badly yet, but I've been told that it really gets bad starting in January...good, so I have something to look forward to! Ha.

My parents came to visit two weekends ago, and we had a great time. We visited the Art Institute, the Field Museum and the John Hancock Tower. They came to visit my church, Willow Creek, who happened to be having a huge worship event with Jaci Velasquez and Salvador that Sunday. They also got to visit two of my favorite French restaurants during their stay, La Creperie and Bistro Zinc.

Outside the Art Institute, by a beautiful fountain...Dad & me.
Mom & me...
At the Creperie with my parents.
With two of my good friends who are also TA's, Sarah and...Sarah!

At the top of the John Hancock Tower, with the view of Chicago. It was cloudy, but still a perfect day and you could see for miles!
I hope that this finds you all well. I'm sorry, there isn't much else to say as far as update from my end. Michael is able to call 2-4 times a week, and we're trying to get into some kind of routine. He's actually doing really well, getting lots of time to exercise and settle in to their base. Hopefully they'll actually start working soon! Ha.

Here is a picture that we took last weekend before Erik and Deborah headed out to the house they are staying at for the conference they attend each year in Thomaston, GA.

As I sat in a church sanctuary packed with over 10,000 people tonight out at Willow Creek's South Barrington campus, Michael was getting ready to get on a bus for Iraq. I cannot describe how deeply I was moved as we lifted up our voices together and as I prayed for all of the soldiers heading out from their families - even though I was praying a silent, possibly single prayer, the act of doing it in that room full of believers and fellow brothers and sisters of faith touched me in a way I cannot quite put my finger on. I was telling my dad how close I came to not going to this event (Willow Creek's 34-year anniversary celebration, which brought together its 5 campuses all around "Chicagoland"), and how ironic it always is when one has that moment and perseveres through it to do the thing he or she isn't necessarily feeling so enthused about! Sometimes one is still not enthused, but more often than not in my experiences it is quite the opposite and no matter what the thing is it "makes your day" and turns your mood around.

On the shuttle bus ride back into Chicago (that's how many people are at each campus - they had to charter busses for this event, and the downtown campus had around ten to its campus alone!) Michael called me to say goodbye one last time before boarding the bus. Erik and Deborah were there to see him off, so he wasn't alone amidst all of the families and for that I am so grateful. Also, if he had been alone, he might not have been able to call me since his cell was shut off this afternoon and so he called from Deb's. We have certainly learned to be thankful for each detail in our life together!

Sitting here with a glass of wine, I reflect upon the past month or so and the journey of emotions that Michael and I have traversed. The incessant coming and going of traveling physically to and from Georgia - while I was more than happy to do it, and thankful for the resources to be able to do so - was even more exhausting mentally. Trying to juggle lesson planning (and a little bit of homework, for good measure!), airports, sleep, class (oh, and eating!) seemed on many days impossible. However, even on the days that were almost unbearable there was always a sliver of hope, and often coming from apparently nowhere. Whether it was from the simple satisfaction and accomplishment of a single lesson plan or finishing a chapter in a book, it was always just enough to get me through. Michael and I have an incredible year ahead - separately, granted, but no less incredible. I have said this in a variety of ways many times on this blog, but it's the thing that is getting us through. It is what has gotten us through to this point, and it will get us through from now on throughout this year also. A sense of relief washed over me as the emotion of that final goodbye ebbed, second by second, away this evening. We have successfully (and, I think, quite admirably and not without learning about a thousand lessons we didn't count on along the way!) "completed" another step in our journey on this earth, and we should be proud. We can also look with great anticipation, excitement, and hope towards the days ahead as well as next year when Michael will once again be on this side of the world.

We plan to take Michael's R&R ("Rest & Relaxation" for those of you not-as-familiar with Army lingo - I didn't know what it was until I asked for about the third time...) partly in England and partly in France this coming May. Hopefully, my parents will be able to meet us in England and I look forward, during Michael's and my "honeymoon" in France, to hear how much he has gleaned from 7 months of hard Rosetta-Stone-French learning! He has a few goals of things he wants to work on during his free time in Iraq: French, guitar, harmonica, and going to the gym regularly. I am excited for him also to be able to actually get a chance to fix things again - for the past few weeks (if not longer!) they have barely touched a wrench, since most of the vehicles have been in transit to Kuwait/Iraq for about a month and a half!

The apartment is finally feeling like home. I made a Target run yesterday after receiving my winter clothes shipment from my fabulous parents (it's currently around 35 degrees outside, winter has arrived early and with some vengeance!) in order to not have random coats, scarves, gloves and hats strewn around the few chairs and dresser top that I have! I purchased a small, 8-"cube" standing organizer (in lieu of another dresser, as this unit is narrower and can hold books/DVDs as well), a free-standing coat rack and a shoe rack for the closet. I finally got it all assembled (it's been maybe forever since I've had to build anything myself, and the cube unit required more than a light fitting-together...) this afternoon. I also bought another floor-lamp in order to add more light to my near-windowless apartment.

The Chicago marathon is tomorrow morning, so I am looking forward to heading out for a little stroll sometime after I get up with some tea or coffee. It's apparently one of the biggest (if not the biggest) marathons in the world, so I know there will be about a million people milling about town, literally! I hope you all are having a fabulous weekend, and my prayers are with you. God bless.