A moment in the Lenten season

This morning I was struck by a particular verse in the Lenten devotional I am following this year by Walt Wangerin. I was a bit behind, so read three of the "days". All of them dealt to some degree with Jesus' judgement by the Sanhedrin, and what struck me was the "holy silence" he kept in that room until the crucial time juxtaposed with the utter depravity of the actions of those judging Him whom they did not recognize. Wangerin makes clear to the reader that, though we might think of those men as "below us" or that we would have acted markedly differently from them in that situation, the opposite is much more likely. The verse that he paired from John 3 reads:

And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.                                                               [verses 19 and 20]

While for many this might sound harsh, one of the principal things that emerges from the Lenten season before Easter (at least as I experience it) is a sort of return to a consciousness of this "holy harshness". What Jesus did wasn't to give us a field of flowers and bunny rabbits and Easter eggs--though God created all things of beauty for our pleasure. He came and was brutally murdered against the better judgement of the very man who could have stopped it, but who was swayed by a crowd of mockers. It is shocking to be reminded of our likeness to those mockers. Originally all created in the Lord's image, He was forced to send one that the majority of His own did not even recognize--despite all kinds of signs and prophecies to that end--to die. Having said this, it is true that at that time there were also many faithful followers amidst Jesus' closest family, friends, and disciples who refused to mock him. But is it not made clear how sinful we are when we reflect upon Peter's denial--this one who had so avidly repeated to Jesus his undying love and alliance across all trials and tribulations, even to death? The irony brings me pause. As the teacher he has sworn his allegiance to is condemned to death by those that could recite the prophecies of His coming by heart, Peter warms his hands by a fire where he denies his master three times in a row.

So: harshness. It is here, there, and everywhere in the story of Jesus' accusation, condemnation, and death. However, we who live so many years after it happened have the luxury of forgetting the harshness for the love that was therein expressed and the victory of the Resurrection. This morning, I am struck to wonder at the "before" of the Easter story, and my participation thousands of years later in the very death of my Lord and the only One who could save me from my sinful ways. He will rise, indeed; but first, He must die the death that I should have done.

Back in the Pacific NW

I had really hoped to post more on our trip home from Georgia, but it ended up being quite a thrash and we did more driving than sleeping for the most part! And somehow, finding a viable wireless connection and taking the time to plunk out a few lines on my phone usually only crossed my mind around mile 300 of the day, when I was far from anything! However, it was an amazing journey. Some of the highlights:

• Diners: Some of my favorite moments occurred in the small, down-home places we stopped for lunch, dinner, and even breakfast once. We were often half-dazed from the first half or full day driving, but it is wonderful to arrive at a place where you are clearly one of the few customers who is not a regular. One of the best places like this was called Penny's Diner, located in Rawlins, Wyoming. The wind was incredible, and we found ample warmth and sustenance inside the "stretch" Airstream-like trailer they had fashioned into a classic diner, complete with classic EARLY 60's (probably even a few late 50's) Beatles songs. That was definitely one of the best strawberry milkshakes I've ever had! Needless to say, my "cholesterol-healthy food watch" went on hiatus for the 7 days on the road...
• Rolling hills, a.k.a. Wyoming: Driving through Wyoming is really like nothing I'd ever driven through before. The amount of unadulterated, snow-covered hills was stunning and refreshing to see. We even happened to notice a man on his horse with his sheepdogs, herding. Glimpses like that into what used to be more of a "normal" life certainly refocus your perspective on what is really "hard" or "challenging" in our day to day!
• Les Misérables, audio version: Encouraged by my dad to look into some audio books for the trip, I immediately thought of Les Mis, since it is a book that I never got around to reading despite having many close friends who had read it practically yearly. Thanks to the arrival of the blockbuster movie in theaters last month, I felt an urgency to get it listened to on this cross-country journey. After purchasing a decent version (though not in the original French, as I'd hoped--iTunes, international copyright laws, or some combination thereof made it impossible to find a version on my phone) I began that audio journey on Day 2. I still have at least 10 hours to listen to! Should have looked into a slightly abridged version; I knew it was long, but heaven help you if you are easily bored by battle or cultural accounts that go on for literally hours on end. I am fascinated by much of it, but after the 6th hour of driving definitely wished I'd been able to find an alternative version! Needless to say, that is still a "listening in progress" and I haven't yet gotten to see the movie. C'est la vie, as it were.
• [Relatively] happy and well-behaved kitties: Taffy and Mater were troopers, despite their Day 7 meltdown in the litter box. We got them a travel crate that was really more suited for a small lab, but I wanted them to have as much space as possible for the 3,700 mile journey. Thanks to "Daddy" Michael, they were blessed also with a literally Portable Potty--a quadruple reinforced cardboard box bunjee corded to their crate (it opened on three sides so they had access anytime) and containing a water container and small litter box. Getting them to and from each hotel room, while a bit of a production every evening and morning, quickly became routine. The Day 7 meltdown I referred to really just solidified for us all that we HAD to get home that day, or else there were going to be much bigger fish to fry...

Overall, it was a pretty smooth moving experience. I don't really look forward to having to move again in the next year or two to a more permanent home, but we will take that as it comes, when it does! What a blessing it was to have both of our families to help us unload the trucks the day after our arrival to Camano. We are done with the bulk of the unpacking, and all that's really left now is for Michael to figure out what to do with all of his extra Army gear and where to put his tools in the garage. It is truly wonderful to be back on Camano, and to be up the street from my parents in my grandfather's house. That being said, my parents and I have some work ahead of us to completely clear out the rest of the storage areas that they hadn't yet gotten to since Grandpa's move to assisted living a few years ago. 

Michael started work with his father, Erik, this past Monday. I think that aside from being completely exhausted by a totally new job and a bit of a commute (1 hr each way...which isn't really too bad when one lives on an island!), he is one happy camper! It seems like practically all he's talked about the past year or so has been how many days he has left in the Army and how long until he gets to do what he wants and feels God is calling him to (which happen to have been inextricably intertwined, as you may guess!). We are very lucky to be so close to both families, and I'm so glad to no longer have to worry about how many hours are spent with everyone, like we used to have to do on our two week visits on holidays. I've come down with a bad cold the past few days, so haven't been down to visit Lynnwood since we first arrived, but plan to do so more regularly starting next week. Of course, I'll also be looking for work, so if you know anyone locally (Camano to Stanwood to Mount Vernon to Smokey Point would be the general perimeter, I think.) please let me know! At this time, I will likely be seeking out administrative or leasing positions, though certainly teaching opportunities would be amazing. That will almost for sure be something that I have to seek out in person, though, and that probably would take a little more time. I am continually asking God to help me to stay open to what He has ahead for me, since this is such a huge transition for us. 

If any of you would like our new address, please let me know. Blessings to you & yours!

Testing 1, 2, 3...

I had hoped to blog throughout our trip home this coming week (obviously not while driving, but with some photos and snippets here & there), but have had little to no luck with the Blogger app I've downloaded to my phone. So, hopefully it was just a glitch on my first try--here's hoping this one works!

Happy holidays!

Wow, can't believe it's December already! Our move is fast approaching, and I feel less ready with each passing day. In no way do I not want to be closer to our families and friends or for Michael to start back in a job that he's missed for so long, but we've come to know some pretty neat people down here. However, I do look forward to no longer having to miss family during the holidays, and know Michael really is looking forward to that! While we'll just miss Christmas and New Year's at home (arriving back sometime around January 20-22nd), we both anticipate a delectably chilly last month or two of winter. Read = it was almost 80 degrees here today, on December the 3rd. Despite it's lingering nature in Chicago, I will always err on the cold side of things than not. You can always put on another layer...and those boots and poofy coats sure take up a lot of space in the closet for naught if it never drops below freezing!

Thanksgiving was at our apartment this year. I cooked everything but the mashed potatoes, which was an adventure all its own. Quite satisfying to do all that cooking for two days and have it turn out delicious, but my feet needed about a week to recover. We had four friends over, and everyone seemed to eat well and be happy. I meant to document with some photographs, but was too busy rendering gravy and cutting pie (or eating it...) to remember. Got one good one of the turkey BEFORE it went in the oven, but that doesn't really do everything else justice. Needless to say, I look forward to Christmas, when we will be with my goddaughter's family and, while I will be very happy to bring one or more dishes to warm up or prepare, not making the entire spread.

My teaching duties at Columbus State are very nearly at an end, and how strange it all seems. Almost like a dream. My office is finally beginning to feel my own just in time for me to leave it behind, and my department head and the main French professor have both mentioned multiple times how much they'd rather I stayed. It's nice to feel wanted, especially in the profession I'm in where the pickings are often slim for job openings. I have a few things on the burners for when we get home, but overall know there will be at least a good month or two of less-busy times. After working every weekend save four since March, I'll take that and run with it!

We're excited for my dad's visit later this month. He'll come straight after wrapping up the Christmas tour in Texas, so maybe we'll get him to serenade us with a few carols on my keyboard here. I've fenagled a guest suite through our apartment complex for about half the amount of a hotel and he'll be able to walk just 2-3 minutes to get to our apartment. I'm hoping by that time, Michael will have finished his gear inventory and cleaning production, since currently there is hardly a spare inch of space here to sit! I understand he must do it so that he turns in everything he is supposed to, but it's been a lesson in chaos for me.

It is late, and the things I had planned to work on won't be able to happen this evening, so I shall go rest my head. I hope this finds you well and enjoying the holidays.

Elections, Cholesterol, and Remembrances

This morning I will try to sum up many of the things that I have been wanting to blog about the past several weeks, but haven't had time to. Last week was back to back to back work, teaching, make-up assignments for my students, and appointments. This week, I am thankful to be back into a normal schedule and to see the light at the end of the tunnel for this semester. Before I jump into what I've been mulling over recently, I want to share a verse of Scripture that I have memorized and have been repeating in my mind.

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but He who lives in me. And the life that I now live, I live in faith in the Son of God; who loves me and who gave His life for me.                                                              Galatians 2:20

This verse has served as a constant reminder of the fact that, as Christians, we are not called to our lives or our plans, but to His. C.S. Lewis' metaphor of Christians being Little Christs is perhaps a bit strange when you first read it, but in the end, probably one of the best ways to illustrate what it means. I am thankful that God has given me much and that I have a very specific set of abilities, but we must never forget that we did not earn them, they were simply given out of a love the likes of which we will never see replicated outside of the Trinity - at least not on this side of life. And so today, I want to confess my selfishness and ask for His Spirit to truly enter into me; that I might be a bit more like the Little Christ I was meant to be. I think when one ponders the greatness and love of God, there are two ways we can react: 1) discouragement in the awareness that we can never quite reach the same level of grace no matter how much we try, and 2) encouragement in the truth that He just wants us to ask Him to help us try! Obviously, the latter is what He so desperately desires us to feel, and the former causes many people (including myself, much of the time) a great deal of dark moments. Quite frankly, I am starting to think that those dark moments from being discouraged instead of encouraged by the immensity of God actually pull us away from Him. How awful! So, take heart, and allow yourself to be encouraged by the vastness of the One we call Father, Lord, Alpha & Omega. For He is good, and He has given us all that we have and that we are.

Last week, we re-elected a man in whom I had a great deal of faith 4 years ago. It would seem that many still do, and I would really like to say that I am one of them. However, I was greatly troubled by this election. My husband, who had no doubts coming up to Election Week as to who he would vote for, will tell you that I agonized for weeks. Literally. I won't say more about who I did or didn't vote for, but I will say that somehow I was relieved when I heard "A Chicago ils font la fête!" last Wednesday. (I listen to a French podcast weekday mornings, in hopes to hear somewhat unbiased news of major events in the States.) When I then went to Facebook, I knew I had made a mistake, and that it would have been best to leave well enough alone. Am I not the only one exhausted by our generation's lack of ability to actually discuss and weigh options? All I feel like I have seen is full on trash talking and disrespectful comments worthy of a disgruntled hockey fan. (And mind you, I am very upset by the NHL lockout.) But sports and politics were never meant to be on the same playing field - forgive the pun. In our country, the talk shows about each of them certainly seem to be using the same vocabulary and making the same types of blanket statements. I understand that we are a nation where the freedom of speech is truly a gift. However, I believe it is positively embarassing that so many in this country think it is okay to openly disrespect our President and any candidate running for that office. While I know many felt there was simply not a "safe" choice this election, once you vote, it is out of your hands. It is then our job, I think, to support whoever is elected with the goal of uniting as one people under God and the stars and stripes. What good does it do to be bitter and angry about the outcome of this election? Of course it will impact us all, but in the meantime will we be best served by playing the role of Eeyore, or worse? My hope for the next 4 years is not that they will pass quickly so that we can "move on" or whatever those who dislike Obama have said, but rather, I hope that they will bear the fruit that this man who once impressed and inspired so many of us has been speaking of. If you have faith in God, then you must believe that everything, everything in this world happens for a reason. Sometimes, when it comes to horrible events such as the Holocaust or apartheid in South Africa, it is extremely hard to understand why God allows such things to pass. This is certainly not a subject I will attempt to tackle here. However, would you compare Obama's re-election to the Holocaust in "evil" or in "unalignment" with God's character? I just am baffled by the comments being made publicly on Twitter and Facebook, and by the relationships that are being torn apart because we cannot agree to disagree. Democrats and Republicans are not sports teams. They are people who have professed a certain set of general stance and belief on certain issues.

I am rambling and have probably offended anyone reading this. Much of it I just had to share and get off my chest, because I have been thinking it for the past several weeks. Hopefully you will understand that it comes out of a place of frustration with a generation glued to their iPhones and iPads, and who can hardly have the time to actually learn about a candidate's position. We are losing the ability to truly debate, to discuss something without storming out of a room. I confess that I am guilty of sometimes letting myself get overly emotional when discussing a big issue. But I truly believe that the key to our nation's "come back" is not who we elect, but rather that we learn to work together again. I truly, truly, pray for the President, that he would be able to do what he has set out to and start rebuilding trust and true communication between the two parties. He has quite the opportunity to do so, given that the House is largely Republican. I don't know if he will, but I have faith in him because I am an American and I choose to stand behind the men and women who lead this country. We have much to be proud of, and I think that our President should always be a part of that.

Moving on! Last week, I returned to the doctor to have a follow up appointment for my cholesterol, which back in August I learned was extremely high. It is hereditary, so I really wasn't sure that any changes would have much effect, and also was a bit skeptical given the fact that I already rarely ate fried or fatty foods and worked out regularly. However, I chose to make some changes such as cutting out butter nearly completely and trying to eat some of the foods that are celebrated for their benefits. I have started eating steel cut oats, sweet potatoes, avocados, and more fish. Luckily all of these are delicious and it just takes a bit more planning to eat more of them. It would seem that all of that paid off, because the results are in and my bad cholesterol is back into the normal zone and my good is way up! I was so relieved.

The last thing that I wanted to mention today is Veteran's Day. Last night, we watched part of a special featuring "Lieutenant Dan" and many gifted actors and musicians, along with an entire crowd full of military and their families. It is hard for me to listen to such accounts, because it seems to always bring me to a place emotionally that I really would rather not go back to - the constant wondering whether your loved one is okay, or if they will come home. I always had faith that God knew what He was doing, as He always does, but I just didn't know if I was strong enough to deal with Michael not making it back. Obviously, he has done, and I am thankful for that every day. So as we sit and listen to the accounts of those whose loved ones did not make it back, I am always deeply moved. The strength which is required to endure such trials is absolutely unimaginable to me. I am so thankful for each person that has stood up for his or her country overseas, and who wears the uniform of a soldier. My godbrother, Ryan, and his wife have been through deployments on land and sea and both returned safe and sound. My mom's aunt served as a nurse for many years and lived until she was into her 70's. Michael's grandfather was a chaplain in the Army, and many of his forefathers before him also served. I am surrounded by honorable men and women at home and out in my comings and goings, and I am so very grateful for their sacrifices. I pray that as time goes on, we would need to send less and less of our sons and daughters to protect our freedoms, and that the world would war less and unite more. But whatever happens, we are all fortunate to live in this country, and should be proud to do so. Thank you, Veterans!