Tonight, while I should be working on an annotated bibliography, I am feeling obliged to share some of what is going through my mind. I am worn out, though aware that it could be worse. There are things that, yes, I might avoid doing in order to provide "more time". However, I have learned that "more time" doesn't always mean "more satisfied" or "more rested". This is very problematic when we are expected to do so much all the time, every day. In academia, no matter how much awareness of the politics that are involved has risen, it is always a bit of a tooth and nail fight. Lately, I'm just not sure I have it in me to do this for the rest of my life. It's early in the program and I'm far from giving up. I did, however, come here to a PhD program because I figured it would finally be a time I could study what I wanted. I have been blessed with great professors and colleagues that have become friends and mentors. Really, I can't complain (but of course, I'll find something--just ask my husband!).
Our generation is at once victim and guilty--victim of previous generations' carelessness and thoughtlessness, and guilty of the same carelessness and thoughtlessness...paired with a growing apathy for the people and things around us. We blame it all on everyone else...while shutting them all out in the interest of a more exciting post on a social network. I do not understand our obsessions, though I am far from exempt from participating. We consume without reflecting on where what we consume must come from, and the things that must happen in order for it to be so. Sometimes, I'd just like to shake the earth a little bit (or at least the "Western world") and say, "Wake up!"