The start to the holidays, 2011

We roasted our first turkey this week - and it was a success! I might even go so far as to use the term huge success, thanks to all of the exclaiming about it's perfectly moist meat and deliciousness... But it might just have been beginner's luck, so we'll wait for a second attempt before actually making that statement outright. Michael and I spent Thanksgiving with our good friends the Pratt's (their daughter is my goddaughter, Jasmine), and several other families. There was way too much food, but it made for quite the variety and everyone enjoyed themselves greatly. The weather has been spectacular by anyone on the West Coast's standards, though I do tire of eighty degrees as we near the beginning of December, and all of my stylish winter wear remains unorganized and unworn as of yet. However, I look forward to sporting it in Washington when we are home next month.

Since I last blogged, I've come into a small job, but one that I make my own hours and also decide how many hours I'd like to work. It's a company that does mainly transcription, but also translation; for now, I am proofing transcriptions since that is what they hired me for, but I plan to ask for the chance to translate once I've been working for a month or two. All work is done online, which is nice since one doesn't necessarily need to cart their personal computer around to be able to work. It's been quite the learning curve, since it's all through Google applications such as Chrome, Gmail, Docs, etc. However, it's been good for me to learn something new and manageable, and the work is quite interesting as the audio files are from all sorts of surveys for products and habits. For example, the past few days, I've been hearing several about how people go about planning their Thanksgiving meals and Black Friday shopping trips. So, we'll see where this leads. It's a treat to be able to literally do it at anytime of the day or night, and also to not have to worry about keeping all of the files I've worked on or proofed for reference, since it is all stored and updated constantly online.

Michael and I will be home for Christmas in a few weeks; I leave in just about a week and a half and he'll follow a bit after. I'll get to help my dad for the end of his tour, which is always fun since we inevitably see many old friends and acquaintances at the shows. I especially look forward to seeing one of my dearest friends while we are in Corvallis; now that Michael and I have more of a normal "life" down here but I haven't had much income personally, the chances for visiting friends anywhere have really been limited. Unfortunately, we won't be staying on to celebrate New Year's as we usually do with my family, as Michael returns to work too soon after and will need to make sure to be well-rested. It will be the first year I'm not with my parents for this holiday, and that will be very strange. This year really feels like we are making a more solid transition into our own family, even though our situation in Georgia is definitely quite transitory. It's very challenging to actually make one's own decisions when our families are both so close, but it's important that we do. All we can do is pray that we don't make any decisions that we might regret later, but I think that most anything becomes a learning experience in this stage of life, whether due to a less-than-ideal decision or a near-perfect one.

I'll try to post a few new pictures from the past weeks in a day or two. Blessings to all of you, and I hope this finds you joyfully entering into Advent and the holiday spirit.

Feeling a moment

One of my favorite times of the day is when I sit next to the open window (the weather is turning to fall here, though sometimes it still feels a bit like a Washington summer!) and enjoy my breakfast, coffee, and a few words from a book or a magazine. Usually Mater ends up taking a nap next to me or on my lap, and this always warms my heart, as she has become increasingly diabolical in her chewing and playing at other times of the day! Anyway, this time is the rare time in the day when I haven't yet tried to "figure out" what I "have to do", and when the fresh air helps me wake up and reminds me to live in each minute as it comes. After several months of worrying about finding a job or getting our budget "right", I find I am enjoying my idle time and my daily tasks more and more. That being said, I look forward to hearing back soon about a potential job!

Last week, I started training for a half-marathon; I felt it was high time I take on another race as a goal, and have wanted to try 13.1 since last November when I ran my first 15k (=9.3 mi) in the Chicago Hot Chocolate Run. Unfortunately, I am prone to injury, whether simply due to my anatomical make-up or as a function of my sometimes hard-headedness when it comes to moderation in "amping up" frequency and distance in training/running. Either way, this morning I am resting a tweaked hamstring after trying out a new stretch/strength circuit yesterday: I believe the culprit was actually the very first exercise, the jumping heel-kicks. Fun, but as my mom pointed out to me last night on the phone, perhaps a bit challenging at first for a person of my level of coordination. (Read = In her ballerina mind, I am a bit of a "spazz" when it comes to such things...especially when trying them for the first time!) So I am trying to not worry and to focus on icing and elevating/resting it today. The half-marathons I am considering are in January and March, and while my goal is January, I know that I need to be open to either date due to things like my current predicament!

Enough about running and racing. Last weekend, we met up with three couples at a local Oktoberfest on the base. While much of the activities were geared towards kids, it was a great atmosphere and several of the "German food" booths were actually staffed by native Germans. My goddaughter and her brother had a fun time (although Joshua was playing a video game most of the time!) and it is always so good to see Jasmine, since she is growing up so fast! She's walking now, and all the boys seem to like her even at one year and change... Jon is already making playful threats...to two year olds. Ha. My guess is, in about twelve years they won't be quite as playful :-) We spend a lot of time watching the bands they had playing, who were both pretty fun. I don't think they were particularly impressed by the crowd's distractedness, since Oktoberfest in Deutschland is certainly known for its boistrous enthusiasm for toasts and drinking songs. There were so many kids around everyone couldn't really focus like they would have needed to pick up on this. Either way, we had a great time, and topped it off with a hay ride around the campgrounds.

Some photos:

In the tent where the bands were, with Margie, Katie, and Jazz squirming in my lap.


It was cold in the shade!


With our friends the Estradas and Blanchard on the far left. (on the hay ride)


The Pratt's and the Miles' on the hay ride.

Michael has been enjoying his new unit, though he's still worked several long days and was gone for a week in the field. We are looking forward to Thanksgiving and the arrival of more fall weather. We plan to spend Turkey Day with the Pratt's, possibly even making a little getaway of it so that we can cook the turkey and the pies at their house. While it's sometimes hard to get together often, we are indeed blessed by some wonderful friends here in Georgia!

Christmas trees and reevaluation

This morning I am having some random thoughts. Perhaps because the cold I thought I'd fought off has returned in moderate force and I haven't been sleeping well, but either way I'm in the mood to share them :)

It amazes me how early stores stock their Christmas deco. It must have been at least 2 weeks ago (=mid-SEPTEMBER) that Michael and I were looking for a new plant to replace his recently-deceased aloe vera at Wal-Mart. Lo and behold, as we were walking out of the Gardening Center, I looked up and there were no less than five fake Christmas trees on full display! Seriously. It is sad to me that a holiday that was originally meant to celebrate the birth and arrival of a divine Savior has turned into the biggest marketing ploy of each year. Luckily, there are many organizations such as World Vision that are able to truly help people through their programs around this time of year. The simple joy of "giving" a pig or a goat to a needy family in a far-away country in honor of a loved one is really indescribable, though many are yet inexperienced in it. We cannot all travel to those places and help firsthand, but we can all help provide something for someone who needs it far more than we ever will.

Yesterday I had a long conversation with my dad in which I realized that my job search is perhaps becoming temporarily obsolete, given that the holidays are actually approaching. (This does not mean I'm going to go purchase one of those trees, however.) Living so far away from our families, the holidays are a truly special time for Michael and I, and I really don't think I would sacrifice even a few days of that time because of a job. If I had been hired for a job in my actual field, or thought that there was a potential job in it available now, I might consider the alternatives. However, lately I'm contacting people and applying to jobs that are part-time and completely unrelated to my studies. It's true that, on one salary and as we are still in the early stages of marriage and learning how to do finances in a smart manner, it's been up and down. But where do we draw the line between working to live and living to work? In the US it has moved from being a grey area to an increasingly disparate black and white that prioritizes work in order to attain some kind of materialistic status. Having a new car, indulging our every impulse, eating out - all have become "givens", though they need not be. We must learn to see this in our society and almost rebel against it if we wish to prioritize the things that warrant prioritizing.

Thus to say that I am wondering what good it is to apply to many more jobs at this point, since we hope to be gone several weeks only shortly after I would hypothetically be hired. It has been a good experience filling out applications and searching for jobs, and perhaps I will still find a part-time position that will be flexible. But for now, I am going to spend the day cleaning and practicing my piano, because life goes on. I have a roof over my head, an indecently nice car outside, and a wonderful husband who loves and respects me and our life. There are up days and down days, but at the end of them all, we're together finally, and that is good.

TSwizzle, ATL, and Craigslist ads

The first weekend in October was chock-full of fun activities. As I shared before, we'd been anxiously awaiting the Taylor Swift concert, as well as a trip to the zoo and a night away in Atlanta. While these kinds of activities cost way more than they should these days, it was a great getaway and well worth it.

The show was quite amazing; much more like a Broadway show than a concert, complete with sets and people and instruments popping out of the floor at various points (including Usher!). The music was great and the opening band didn't disappoint, either. What a load of screaming girls there were there, though! I think Michael and I agreed we'd never seen to many prematurely made-up, cowboy-boot touting people in one place. That being said, it was definitely a fun experience.

This photo is of her performance of "Back to December". That white piano came up out of the stage...

Earlier in the day before the concert, we enjoyed touring the zoo and seeing many baby animals (giraffe, panda, and kangaroo-in-pouch) as well as some of the "old standbys" (some of those monkeys are older than we are!). The lunch we ate at the food court was much less than great, but in a pinch it got the job done, especially since my plan to bring sandwiches didn't pan out, given the bare fridge and breadbox at our apartment...

The momma and baby panda trundling around part of their outdoor habitat.


The red panda is possibly my favorite zoo animal, though she tends to be asleep at any and all times of day. So little and cute.

The morning after the concert, we headed over to the neighborhood by Piedmont Park for a delicious brunch at the Five Napkin burger joint. It was an amazing banana French toast, including Corn Flakes as part of the batter! After that, we had a nice leisurely walk around the park, which was packed with runners, picnickers, and dog owners. We always love to walk to the gazebo where we got engaged, and this time the pool across the lake from it was full of even more dogs! Apparently the following day, they were cleaning it, so they let owners bring their canines in for a little weekend frolic. Pretty entertaining!


This morning, Michael headed out to the field for a week. He just switched to a new unit (or company, I get all the terms mixed up, all the time!), and has loved it so far. This makes me a very, very happy person, since previously he was really struggling. It's such a shame that the majority of soldiers seem to have such a sub-par experience, because I feel that it would take little to no extra effort for the Army to make it at least bearable across the board. But that would require people to put aside power trips, pointless yelling and/or ranting, and needless punishment of people who didn't actually do anything wrong. Therefore, nothing will change anytime soon... so the best one can hope for is to land in a unit that has their head on straight!

Michael's trips to the field are always interesting for me, because, still without a job, it's really a whole new experience for me to literally have no schedule. In Chicago, it was easy to find things to do, since I could walk, metro, or bus virtually anywhere in town and there was an abundance of great parks and recreation available year-round. Here, it's definitely a different story! The TV is, of course, a constant temptation that I do all I can to avoid sitting in front of for hours on-end. I tend to spend a lot of time cleaning, hanging with the cats, and working out at the gym or outdoors. Until recently, the pool was a constant in my daily routine as well, but the past weeks and a half have seen a much milder weather pattern, even including some refreshing rain showers and temperatures the past few days. Unfortunately, I've gotten so used to the sunny weather that it will probably take me a few spouts like this to get up the snuff to get out and run outside in it! Sad day for a girl raised in the Pacific Northwest!

Yesterday, Michael finally convinced me to get the Craigslist app for my phone, since I haven't even gotten a call back for any of the applications I've submitted or jobs I've pursued. It was really hard when I didn't hear back after the group interview a couple weeks ago, and I think I had somewhat given up without realizing it even though it was only the first "rejection". The thing that is so frustrating (hopefully I'm not turning into a broken record here) is the lack of response if you DON'T get hired/called for a second round of interviews. I just think it's common courtesy, and would probably make a huge impact on job seekers' self-confidence regardless of it being a yes or a no. It just feels as though one isn't even important enough of acknowledgement if they aren't "chosen", and that isn't something that only happens in a job search. It happens all through life in various forms, and to have it hit you in this arena feels pretty dang low. We all know the economy is floundering, but we could all use at least one person to tell us, "You know, you aren't the right person for us right now, but keep looking!" Pipe dreams of compassion seem to let us down a lot.

Anyway, Craigslist. Since yesterday, I've sent nearly 20 emails regarding various receptionist/front desk positions (since there are none actually pertaining to what I've studied and worked on the past 6 years) and have only gotten one answer. That answer was informing me that the ad was apparently for a sort of "middle man" who companies hire when they have had complaints or think their customer service needs improvement. Hmm. Not really a legitimate ad then, is it, lady?? My goodness. And no you may not have all of my personal information so that you can "figure out what site is closest for me and/or best for my personal schedule"! So, so far, not too promising. However, yesterday was a holiday so I won't give up yet and will continue to send out emails as new ads go up. One of the hard things with Craigslist is that people repost ads constantly, so it's hard to tell sometimes if you've already responded to one if it's relatively general. Ugh.

So, the ups and downs continue. For now, it makes me very happy that Michael is so much happier at work, and we're hoping for a quick promotion as soon as he's [finally!] enrolled in some courses to get closer to the points requirement.

Online couponing...?

This morning I am wasting an amazing amount of time trying to pull some advantage and/or actual savings from online "couponing". I know there are women who have saved literally thousands of dollars by doing this, and while I have no intention or aspiration to that level of the activity, I am wondering how even $5 savings is possible! I have spent the past hour or so "signing up" for a couple sites, but they all ask you to sign up for about a billion "offers" in the process, none of which I'm particularly comfortable doing. Thus, I'm wondering if the whole thing has been a waste of time, since all offers seem to depend on one another to succeed or provide any benefit, somewhat like dominoes.

It does feel like this is a total waste of time, but since it's very stormy outside and I don't have anywhere to be until this afternoon, I guess it's not the end of the world! I'll just have to keep checking to see if there are coupons for stuff we actually use periodically, and hope that I haven't inadvertently signed my soul away this morning via my email or birthday. Ugh, I am so tired of companies and individuals taking advantage of even simple things like contests, that used to be fun and worry-free! If I enter, I should win or never hear from them again, I think. But if I don't win, it seems to be a worse situation, since one receives an eternity of spam emails just for hoping for one little prize. NOT COOL.

Cats are pretty funny. I bathed both of ours yesterday morning, and they proceeded to spend the rest of the day taking about three times as many baths of their own than usual. Apparently they didn't like the smell of the flea soap...

More job searching, and memories.

The past week or so has been interesting. I suppose that, since Michael's job is fraught with continual disorganization and chaotic last-minute changes (none of which are his doing, but many of which "happen" at 10pm the night before something is scheduled...as if they don't know before then), most weeks could be characterized as "interesting" from someone else's point of view. However, these ridiculous and nonsensical decisions on the part of his bosses and those who are in charge (for what reason I have no idea) happen to be a part of the "quotidien", the everyday existence as a soldier at Fort Benning. So when I say interesting, I speak more for my own doings, since I am, after all, just a selfish human :)

Last Wednesday, I not only had a wonderful coffee date with a new friend, but I got a call for an interview for a job I have been hoping to get. The catch: it's a group interview, which is a term that has baffled me since way before I was looking to be the one interviewed. Will we perform trust exercises, work on a team project, or perhaps do each other's hair and make-up? Or will we simply be put in a row facing those interviewing and answer down the line? Anyway, I'm nervous. It's tomorrow afternoon, so maybe I'll understand more what the term means after.

I've applied for a couple other jobs and reposted my ads on Craigslist, so maybe I'll get more calls soon. Michael asked me last night if I felt like I was in a "housewife trance"...I guess my unrest is wearing me more than a little around the edges of my happy moods! There are days that I feel extremely discouraged, but most days I am thankful for the opportunity to spend time at home learning how to keep it clean and orderly without a schedule, so that when I do have one I will be better suited to plan my daily tasks like grocery shopping, laundry and tidying. Currently, though, those tasks do get left longer than they might otherwise, due to the absence of a time constraint! It's strange, but procrastination doesn't only happen in school...

Yesterday, I finished the third book in The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King. It is my favorite of the three, at once for its exciting war and "quest" sequences and for its deeply touching scenes of glory, grieving, and the joy of the meeting of close friends and loved ones following life's biggest and darkest moments. Also, Viggo Mortensen and Liv Tyler may be my favorite silver-screen matching ever, and their marriage happens at one of the most glorious moments in the book.

However, as I read one of the pivotal scenes, a memory of my late "godfather", Dave, came rushing back to me. The scene follows one of the most brutal battles, and the death of King Théoden, to whom the hobbit Merry had sworn his service in the days before the battle where he fell. It is a bittersweet scene, for several members of the Company of the Ring are reunited after the battle in the Houses of Healing. Merry was badly wounded, but is recovering quickly after Aragorn puts his healing skills to use. The hobbit is granted anything he wishes, as he gave the fatal blow to the leader of the Nazgul, the Ringwraiths. However, at the mention of a pipe, he falters.

'No, not a pipe. I don't think I'll smoke again....He is dead. It has brought it all back to me. He said he was sorry he never had a chance of talking herb-lore with me. Almost the last thing he ever said. I shan't ever be able to have a smoke again without thinking of him, and that day, Pippin, when he rode up to Isengard and was so polite.'
'Smoke then, and think of him!' said Aragorn.

For some reason, this scene brought me back to a moment in the last weeks of Dave's life, when he was very sick and far too weak to walk about on his own. He was resistant to death in many ways, and seemed to begrudge the fact that he felt caged in the house where he eventually passed. At one point, he managed to get out into the living room, but for some reason none of the men were around to help him back into the room where he had been lying in bed. As someone went to get one of them, I stood and supported him. Though he had been frantically trying to get outside, to get somewhere other than that bedroom, for a moment, he stopped and he looked at me straight in the eyes. Just for a few seconds he seemed to become lucid, and he said, "I love you". That is the last time I ever heard him say something directly to me before he died. I think I shut it out when it became too regular in those waking moments of grief in the days afterward, but as Merry is called to do, it is a treasured and invaluable memory and should be held on to.

The last scene of the LOTR seems almost out of place for a first-time reader...and still it seemed so for me as I read it for the third or fourth time. Why would Tolkien separate the hobbits, even all of those friends bound together by that horrible, yet deeply intimate, journey and quest in the War of the Ring? Shouldn't they live "happily ever after"? But his choice is the bolder for that seeming out-of-place decision. For those bonds of friendship will transcend the distance that separates the individuals, for they lived side by side and shared the most wonderful and terrible moments of their lives. It is much like death, I think. Of course, death is always a wrenching sadness for those left behind, but that (in my opinion) is chiefly due to our growing attachment to our worldly lives. Not that the experiences we share on earth are without meaning, for obviously this is where we forge those bonds and connections. However, we must focus instead on the heavenly kingdom, where no distance or time will separate us from one another, nor even from our God.

I think that the scene of the ships departing for the Grey Havens, carrying so many of the "greatest" of that quest and leaving behind Sam Gamgee and Merry & Pippen, the "little ones", is a touching illustration of those left behind on earth when one of our own goes to be with the Lord. And thus did the scene bring tears to my eyes, though I had read it before: and they were not all bitter, yet not all sweet, either.

Job hunting, a new lease, and, as always, kitties.

Last week we signed a new one-year lease; we've never lived somewhere long enough to do that! It was a cool feeling, though many might not think much of it. That being said, we got to choose a "bonus" from a short list, which was fun. I guess we could have chosen the "One-time cleaning" or "Have an accent wall painted"...even the "Go Green! All energy efficient bulbs". But, in light of a new budget that doesn't really have any set dinners out, we most certainly chose the "Dinner & a movie".

In other Burgess entertainment news, we have a weekend in Atlanta coming up to go to Zoo Atlanta AND a Taylor Swift concert! For those of you who are rolling your eyes for Michael's sake, don't: I attended a Chevelle concert with him about two years ago, at which I literally thought I was going to be moshed to pieces. Marriage is all about balance, eh? Having said that, I think we are both looking forward to the concert, even if he more just appreciates her talent. According to him, though, he's going to wear a cowboy hat and a pink Taylor Swift shirt to the show, and burst into tears when she comes on-stage. I can't decide which show I'm looking forward to more! Ha. Either way, it will be a great weekend. The zoo has a new giraffe calf, so that will be fun to see.

The past few days, Michael and I have been job-hunting for me. I had applied to a couple places locally, but since the applications now are almost 100% online, I wanted to introduce myself to the manager and pass along my resume in person. While this fact alone can't open up a job, I think that it's rare that someone actually takes the time to go somewhere before being asked for an interview, and I had almost all really positive reactions/exchanges with the managers I met. We'll see - Michael said to me last night that he felt "this was the week". Hmm.

It's so strange to think that, at this time a year ago, I was eagerly anticipating Michael's arrival home from Iraq. (The only reason I made that parallel today in particular was because Facebook did that "One year ago today" thing and told me what my status had been, ha.) What a year it has been. I miss Chicago, but I'm slowly but surely letting myself settle into our life here. It hasn't been easy, and Michael has had to put up with some major mood swings from me, but I am just completely unaccustomed to being without specific "goals" that are being given by specific teachers and mentors. God has blessed me with amazing professors who have not taken my individual strengths for granted, and who have pushed me to improve my personal weaknesses. I think one of my greatest struggles lately is feeling that I may very well lose some of the affinity that I gained the past two years especially while I flail around looking for a job. So I am trying to stop flailing and remind myself that I have been given talents by God and they are not something that I bought or found myself.

I wanted to share the latest funny shots of my cats. Mater has taken to the bathroom counter whenever Michael and I are in there getting ready or just taking a shower or a bath. I don't know that she'll fit on the one you see her on below when she's full-grown, but for now it's one of her favorite places.


Taffy is a strange one when it comes to love and attention; she much more than Mater is always jumping up on our laps or sitting right next to us on the couch, but she's very sensitive to what part of her we pet for any length of time, and is very quick to bite! I think they are actually "love bites", because otherwise I don't see why she would continue coming for attention. Unfortunately, I am not a cat and don't appreciate that kind of sign of love! Michael gives me a hard time about Taffy's and my relationship, saying I am always provoking her even though I complain when she bites or scratches. I think he's full of it ;-)


Almost everyday in the mid- to late-afternoon, the cats cuddle up for a little double-nap that often becomes a grooming session after not too long. It's one of the cutest things I've seen, and I'm always trying to get a "perfect" picture of it...finally we took a few seconds of video of them this weekend. Hope it makes you smile!

Trying to find joy in a discouraging attitude.

Today has been strange. I don't say "hard" or "challenging" or anything like that, because those have only truly been in my head. I want to use those adjectives, but can't quite bring myself to. This fact, this awareness of the reality of the day versus how I feel it is is what I am trying to focus on to remind me that life is pretty alright. The reason I am having these competing emotions is that today, I feel like someone is trying to remind me how easy it is to be careless with our money. Not that I feel we are, but I think it is easy to forget that things like electricity, groceries, and cell phones can way cramp your style as far as a budget goes...especially if you aren't aware of them.

The first of the month is always tighter financially for us, since rent is due then. I've made a budget and I feel it's reasonable. But a plan and its execution are two very different things, and I feel like I'm already failing to execute. It doesn't help that I am having little progress in finding a job, and thus contributing essentially nothing to the finances which I am now in charge of.

I won't go on; I don't wish this to be a public whining board for stress-issues relating to my home and money situation, since those are private things. However, this is the issue that most often plagues me, and causes me to feel guilt when doing any "fun" thing that isn't in "the plan". The stress I feel relating to this often make me feel quite alone, and yet I am married to a wonderful man who loves me and wants us to be better with money. So typing out some of my thoughts and sharing them within reason with those of you who may have more experience or advice to me gives me a bit of hope: perhaps you will be prompted to share some of that with me. Maybe not, but the thoughts were crowding themselves in my mind and I am unfortunately not the owner of a Pensieve such as Dumbledore's in Harry Potter, nor does my mind have the tenacity of Legolas the Elf, who never has to sleep and whose mind is always thinking about everything without causing him too much effort.

Please don't misunderstand me, either: I am looking forward and am working to feel positive about finding a job and even starting to save more money if I don't. Michael and I have been blessed by God's grace and patience, and we know that that never ends and that though we stumble He will restore us. I am simply weary of the worldly problems of life sidling over to me, making me feel like they are more important than the joys of life.

Many lives, many friends, much forgotten joy.

"The world is indeed full of peril, and there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of The Ring

I had a long chat with an old friend this evening. When she first called, I was frustrated with Michael's boss and job and not really looking forward to a long conversation about our lives. But, after hearing her voice, I remembered why I so often feel so lonely; I have some of the most amazing friends in the world...all over the world.

As we talked of our respective journeys to the South and the ways in which we have had to adjust, she brought the point up that it's hard for each of us to reconcile what have become our "two lives". We have one life with our husbands and friends & family around where we currently make our home, but another back where we are from, and where our own families are. I'd never really considered it this way, but she is spot on. Time waits for no one and our parents and grandparents do not get younger as the weeks and months pass (neither do we, for that matter!); this, we found through talking, has been one of the hardest things to deal with in the constant go-between those two lives. Each time we leave to come back to our "everyday" lives, it seems harder for we are increasingly aware of what we leave behind and how quickly things change. It is a sort of grieving process that happens over and over again. I pointed out that, while this was true, we should also be grateful for this bittersweetness; it means we have something to miss and many that are dear to us.

So often we are concerned with the immediate: what to wear, how to do our hair, whether we make enough money or not. In the hot mess that life too often becomes, we are so overly prone to forget completely the simple joys God provides for the taking. I think that our friends and family help us to remember these joys, when there is true love & respect. Now, I must admit that I find these simple joys many times in my own home while I am alone with my two cats since my kitten is quite the trapeze artist and seems to find much entertainment out of things like trying to climb door jams. But the fact of the matter is, that when we are apart from the people and places that shaped us into who we are today, there is literally a piece of us missing.

A couple of days ago, I came upon the chapter in the Lord of the Rings where Gandalf falls in Moria. [ATTENTION: Spoiler alert...] It is, for first-time readers, one of the most heartbreaking moments in the entire trilogy. It is so even for those of us who have long loved these books, and we already know that he returns later in one of the most joyous moments of the entire trilogy. However, the sadness and the grief with which the Company is stricken at this point in the story is quite remarkable. For one, you have a group of men who are all weeping. Call me petty, but even in the times when most men remained true gentlemen, the majority of them didn't make a habit of showing their emotions. In this case, however, the magnitude of what has happened is so real and palpable that all pretenses of bravery or duty are set aside, if only for a few moments. Of course, those who remain are quick to return to their Quest despite their discouragement.

The quote at the beginning of this post comes after Gandalf has been lost and is spoken by one of the Elves of Lothlorien, making it all the more powerful as one works at deciphering its meaning in context, and out. For it clearly has great gravity for the Company in the face of their grief and the tasks that remain at hand, but it also has importance for any human living today. We are surrounded by doubt, mistrust, darkness, fear. The very presence of these things signals that of trust, light, and joy, but it is easy to forget this fact, and we seem to do so more often than is actually healthy for our souls.

I hope to personally continue to be increasingly aware of the joys that God has freely given me, whether past, present, or future. For starters, I am healthy, I have a loving husband and family, wonderful friends, and the means to live comfortably, though it often feels a struggle. Everything is relative, and nothing is an accident. The people we meet have a purpose in our lives, and we in theirs. If more of us lived simply aware of this fact, we would all be happier, I think.

Photos!

After that heavy essay, I wanted to post a few pictures from recent months. Many of you who read this may already have seen some or all of these on Facebook, but I post them anyway for those who haven't. Unfortunately, I am not the most expert at technology and accidentally uploaded these in chronological reverse order.


Mater, our tabby kitten. In a past life she was a circus-cat.

My goddaughter, Jasmine, "pushing" me on her toy truck at her first birthday party last weekend.

Taffy, our two year-old tabby mix who had a past life as a tiger.

Heading out to Alabama to meet up with our dear friend, Laura! Me and Amelia. One of the best and longest time Friends that I have.

Graduation from UIC on Mother's Day, 2011.

"Into the wardrobe"...this is the wardrobe from C.S. Lewis' home where Narnia was written. It is housed at the Wade Center in Wheaton, Illinois. I never found Mr. Tumnus.

Many of the TA's that I worked with and became friends with last year. From L to R: Jeff, Chelsea, Jared, me and Heather.

Where I spent the past two academic years. I remember seeing this sign for the first time at the end of February in my senior year at Whitworth and thinking it was one of the coolest things ever.

Rereading the "greatest fantasy epic of our time" and other musings

Last week (around the time of my last post, which I had hoped to expand upon sooner than now), I began to reread The Lord of the Rings. While I was in Washington for several weeks in July/August, I had gotten through over half of the Harry Potter series, but have been prematurely stopped by the underwhelming amount of copies available here at the Columbus libraries. (I have a hold for the next one, but am 4th on the list...) So, having just received my copies of the tried, true, and ever-loved trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien in a package I'd sent myself from WA, I figured time was of the essence for a second (or perhaps it's closer to a fourth, my dad having first read them to me almost 20 years ago!) read. In any case, I have been quite well-rewarded, as would anyone have been. While in undergrad, I took entire courses on both Tolkien and C.S. Lewis, both of which greatly increased my enthusiasm and background knowledge of the authors, their works, and their friendship. Not incidentally, Friendship is very possibly the major theme in both of these literary geniuses' (and good friends) writings. Hopefully, for those of you who hold these books and individuals highly esteemed, I have not just hypothetically stuck my foot in my mouth. Many have and continue to analyze and review both LOTR and Narnia, but that theme is undeniable. It does seem to "compete" with the themes of Light & Darkness/Good & Evil/"Black & White", but at the same time those themes complement one another in a way that can only be described as ethereal - Elves, talking lions, Hobbits, or not.

Why am I bothering to type out all of my personal reactions on these themes, you probably wonder. Well, the truth is, that with the news and the world in the state that they seem to be today, even a "quick" viewing of the LOTR films (I emphasize the quotations on "quick", as the full running time of all three films happens to be well over 6 hours...and that is before you take on the extended versions.) would greatly benefit most people in "leadership" or "power" today. I do not aim to make light of our government or the responsibility and stress that are faced each day by these individuals, but I doubt I will be the only one to assert the opinion that our government today is a far cry from those who founded its entire existence a mere 235 years ago. But I won't go into that, for I know much less than I should and wish solely to explain why I think Tolkien and Lewis remain shockingly relevant today. Both men lived and were involved in The Great War, WWI, and lost many friends and acquaintances. I mean no disrespect to the victims of PTSD today, but that war left none safe from the horrors of death, disease, starvation and loss. I believe that the intense sadness that each soldier was subject to (whether he chose to become numb to it or not) at that time is manifest ten- or even one hundred-fold in both epic series. The longing for a life that has been lost - whether a single life of one person or an entire way of life that has now been literally blown to pieces - is not pushed aside, as we so often seem to be encouraged to do today. It is, on the contrary, verily encouraged and even celebrated in certain instances. For Tolkien and Lewis, this longing signifies that was has been lost is something to be celebrated and above all remembered. Traditions are held highly in Middle Earth and Narnia; tales of old are told in minute detail and descendants are recognized many generations down of those great people who shaped the history of those places. And yet, the characters in these books are always drawn with two sides: the side to which I have just alluded, that is the impressive and awe-inspiring side of each, but also the "ordinary" side. Of course, many would scoff at my use of that word to describe any character of the two authors' creation, but I hope you see what I am trying to say. The Elves, the Dwarves, Gandalf and the Wizards: they all have a history and they all have lives of their own. Naturally we rarely see even glimpses of those lives, as they are, by the time we meet them, all involved in a quest to preserve any and all good things in their worlds. But the fact of the matter is that this Longing is always celebrated through the telling of Histories and the joy got from Friendship. Not Facebook friendship, for that is in this context simply a mockery of True Friendship. In LOTR, in Narnia, the characters bare themselves to one another. Granted, many times this is out of necessity for a cause, but oftentimes it is simply a result of a deep trust and need to share Life. The characters have hopes and dreams, many of which the reader sees crack and sometimes be shattered. As I read the first chapters, a passage struck me particularly, and one which has inspired much of my pondering on these themes the past week. It is when Frodo and his three friends have at last set out from Hobbiton, having heard no news from Gandalf despite his promise to come to travel with them. They meet very luckily with a traveling group of the Elves, having been followed for several days by the Nine Black Riders of Mordor, who seek Frodo and the Ring he carries. Gildor, a great Elf and the leader of this particular group who comes upon the Hobbits, speaks with Frodo of things they both fear, but of which he knows much more than the Hobbit. Frodo's quest is still far from entirely known to him, and he still hopes to one day return to his home in the Shire, though he feels in his heart that it will not be so. He expresses to Gildor his dismay that the Shire be one day taken over by something other than Hobbits, for to him they have always been there and should always be.

'But it is not your own Shire,' said Gildor. 'Others dwelt here before hobbits were; and others will dwell here again when hobbits are no more. The wide world is all about you; you can fence yourselves in, but you cannot for ever fence it out.'
'I know - and yet it has always seemed so safe and familiar. What can I do now?'

Perhaps my words begin to get hard to follow. The thing that jumps out at me in these books is not the astonishing descriptions, the whole worlds and histories (and languages, in Tolkien's case) that these authors have created. It is the value which is given to honor, integrity, truth and Friendship. Friends are not just people who indulge you by listening to you brag about this or that or the other thing. They are those who walk alongside you as you travel Life's path. Whether you are a Christian or not, you cannot deny man's intrinsic need for others. Thoreau and Descartes may have been able to seclude themselves from society and turn out philosophical writings and hypotheses which shaped the entire world around them (whether immediately or posthumously, or both), but the Everyman needs Friendship. I truly believe that, when one chooses to fill his or her life not with true Friends, but with acquaintances that will help him or her get where they want to and advance in whatever field or arena they work or play in, a potentially fatal risk is taken. Perhaps it is not fatal to the physical life of that individual. But it is quite possibly fatal to their humanity, to their honor, to their integrity. I truly believe that Jesus Christ was, is and will ever be the sole man who could walk this earth at times completely and utterly alone and come out safely. And He happened to also be God, so that rules out pretty much everyone else. What I mean to say is: we have forgotten what Friendship is along with all of the other things we have pushed aside in the pursuit of fame, money and beauty. How is the term "Frenemy" even possible in any world? Why must we be so quick to ridicule men who are closer than brothers, assuming they are gay (and, thus, exposing our opinions of those who actually are, though they be but fallen human beings like ourselves)? I simply do not understand it. My last post spoke of my recent anxiety and lessons about friendship. What I write today will hopefully help you understand why my solitude (not 100%, as I have managed to snag and marry one of the most amazing men walking the earth today!) here so concerns me. How do I maintain Friends, and true Friendship, when all those that I hold dearest are so far away?

My quarterly update (more like biyearly...)

A year ago I was embarking on my second year of graduate school and anxiously anticipating Michael's return. Today I am enjoying a lazy morning getting ready to go celebrate my goddaughter's first birthday at her daycare and reflecting on the year that has passed. Being out of school and not teaching anymore should hypothetically leave me oodles of free time to organize my life and find a fab job, but the past week is really the farthest I've gotten on that! I got back a week ago from a month-long trip home to Washington, and it was only getting back from that that I really felt like I'd had "vacation", thus making me feel at liberty to seek out my new occupation. I say "occupation", because at this time I am really mainly seeking something to do just that (albeit in a more-than-mundane way!) - "occupy" my time. I also have become accutely aware that, despite my ambitions of being a wildly independent woman who has no trouble moving from place to place and being constantly uprooted (read = leaving amazing friends behind at every turn...)...I am, in fact, very much in dire need of human contact. Michael's and my latest additions, two cats, have been very entertaining and do help me feel a bit less alone in the apartment until he gets home, but even his company doesn't satisfy my desire for "girl talk" sometimes. He does do his very best to indulge that, but let's face it, it shouldn't be a requirement of his "job description" as a husband, though many wives do still expect that of theirs. So, I digress back to my "occupation" quest. I've put a couple irons in that fire and will hopefully hear back sooner than later. In the meantime, I am going to focus on getting a firm budget in place and keeping in touch with those I count dearest.

My first few months back in Columbus were fraught with realizations that shook me up, despite the fact that I had expected that such a thing might very well happen! It's a bit irritating when you do know your tendencies but then realize that you don't actually know yourself as you would like. That being said, I don't think it's God's will for us to ever get to a point where we fully "know" ourselves, because that is one of His everyday miracles: revealing us to ourselves through Himself. (He is always about sentences that you have to read and reread because of the presence of so many darned similar pronouns/nouns, I have found.) And so I blundered through various daily struggles, many of which left me wondering why my friends didn't call or write or email. Out of these many moments, I had a bit of an epiphany: was I calling, writing, or emailing THEM? Well, yes AND no, but for the most part I spend most of the time that I could have been doing that wishing my friends were getting in touch with me. Oh, humans. Such little minds we have, and so SO slow to learn and even slower to change! Friendship will never be a one-way street. At times, there are stretches of one-way, but never should it continue. We all have moments of need that prevent us from meeting in the middle at the yellow line, but the fact of the matter is, keep in touch with someone if you'd like them to keep in touch with you. This isn't a sermon to make anyone feel bad, it's just what I believe and was not living out! One goal that I came up with while in Washington the past weeks was to do my part in keeping in touch, because even if you can't fit all the visits in, a little note or a call can literally make someone's day. If someone calls me and only has the time to say "Hi, I'm thinking of you", that means the world to me. They could have just as easily said to themselves, "I don't have time to have a 30-minute conversation, so I'll just Facebook her to say hi." Hearing someone's voice or seeing their handwriting and knowing they took the time to get out or choose a card and mail it seem to be luxuries today. So I'm going to try to be better, because it's the least I can do!

For now, I must go, but more of my recent musings will be forthcoming, maybe even later this afternoon! (I can dream, right?)

2011 has arrived

Johnson family on Christmas Day.

Burgess family on Christmas Eve.

Burgess family jr. the week before Christmas.

Bonjour à tous!

Unfortunately, my blogging is only getting less frequent, so I'm sure what few readers I had have since found another, more interesting and more updated individual's live-journal. However, I am currently enjoying a glass of wine when I should be reading (not a minute goes by when I can't say to myself "I should be reading"...even if I already AM reading!) and so I have decided to finally update this thing!

In just three and a half months, Lord willing and my brain withstanding, I will have a Master's in French from the University of Illinois at Chicago. I will be living WITH my husband in Georgia, where we will have just shy of two years to finally settle into a more domesticated life, before... Who knows what! During that interval, I hope to recharge a bit after over 20 years of schooling. How that will happen exactly, I am not completely certain, but one of my ideas recently has been to write a book about Michael's and my last 4.5-5 year journey. Collectively, we have been to war twice, [will have] graduated twice, studied abroad once, moved three times in various capacities, and been married! I don't know if I'll be successful, but I'm hoping, with perhaps a bit of dramatization (we were blessed to have a less tumultuous relationship than Noah and Allie), so give James Patterson a run for his "The Notebook" money. Maybe an indie film crew will even pick up our story for a film. If I don't write a book for cathartic emotional relief, I will certainly be spending lots of time with my goddaughter, Jasmine, and look for translation and/or short-term teaching work for French. In Georgia, I think I will be a bit less "common" as a language commodity, and while French isn't necessarily the #1 second language down there, there are several large companies who call it their home, so we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I have to annotate approximately 12 primary texts (i.e. novels from various periods of French literature) and finish annotating about 35 secondary texts (these are articles, chapters, books that are mainly literary criticism focusing on a single work or theme which pertains to one of my three exam topics), write two exams, and sit one oral exam. Oh, did I mention the two regular classes and teaching one section of French 104? Not to be too overdramatic, but it is quite a bit to chew on this semester. The annotating has started off well, though, and I have just shy of five weeks to complete those. After submitting that information, I have about a month to review and reread before the first exam on March 28th. Spring Break is the week directly before the first exam, so I will spend it in GA reading and studying during the day, and resting and enjoying time with Michael in the evening when he gets home from work. Until May, we will see each other just about once a month, which will be a nice consistency considering the amount of work I have in the next 14 weeks (not that I'm counting!). He's also studying to go to the promotion board sometime in February or March, so luckily I'm not the only one who is busy.

For most of the summer and through the fall, I had stopped attending Willow Creek church here in Chicago. A couple of weeks ago, I resumed going and am so thankful for the weekly fellowship. I only know a few people there (and the Chicago campus alone is about 1,000 attendees!), but the consistency and short time of escape from "real world life" each week restores me to face another 7 days. I've also been committing a time to God each Saturday, either in the morning or after lunch, so spend time in prayer, writing, and reading the Bible. I find that, while I have little energy during the week to pray a full list of individual peoples' needs without drifting off to sleep, it is very important to have a specific time devoted to that, no matter if it is structured or not.

The winter is holding fast here in the Windy City. Last Friday we had a low of -1, which "felt like" -18. I've never been in cold like that before, and I truly hope that I never will be again. Unfortunately, anything under 40 seems to feel relative here, where the wind really is brutal and unrelenting. I'm blessed to live so close to the lake when it is 60 degrees and sunny and I have nothing to do but to go for a walk or a run, but right now I'm wishing I lived in a forest somewhere! However, that being said, I am blessed to have a roof over my head, warm clothes to wear and the funds to pay for heat and food.

It's time that I go get ready for bed and some reading before heading to sleep. May this find you and yours safe, sound, and thankful to be together.

Que Dieu vous bénisse!